The Trials and Tribulations of Me

Chapter Nine

So far things between Lucas and I are haven't gotten any better. He kept true to his word and has been avoiding me. It has gotten to the point where he doesn't even look at me. If I knew it would be like this I would've stayed in the hotel, at least there I wouldn't feel abandoned by my husband. I mean I know I started all of this but I never went this far. I spoke to him and looked at him, I just didn't let my feelings known. But he was different. He treated me like I killed his beloved dog and now he was making me pay for it. Whenever I try to talk to him he tells me he is busy or he has to go to work.

Right now I was getting dressed to go see my parents to get my mind off of things. I got dressed in some skinny blue jeans with a denim button down top and put on my red converse. I just put my hair in a bun not really caring about my looks anymore.

When I got to my parents' house I went and found my mom in the laundry room doing laundry. "What are you doing here? I didn't think I would be seeing you today."

"I came to check up on daddy."

"Well he's sleeping getting the rest he needs."

"How's he doing?"

"He's fine. I got him on a new diet and making sure she keeps his stress down. I even got him taking a two mile walk with me daily."

"I never thought daddy would be walking."

"Me either but he knows if he wants to stay around then he has to." We went quiet as I watched my mom take clothes out of the dryer. I used to do this when I was a kid, it was the only time we weren't arguing or glaring at each other. Suddenly she stopped and looked at me. "Now why are you really here?"

"I told you, to check up on daddy."

"I wasn't born yesterday and neither were you. Now I know you well enough to know when you are lying. Now tell me what's going on and why you came here." I let out some air and jumped up on the washer. I let my feet dangle like I was a kid.

"I thought when I decided to go back home Lucas and I would work things out, but we are further apart than when we started. I want to make things right but I don't know if that's possible anymore."

"You need to talk to him Samaria."

"I've tried mom but he won't even give me the time of day."

"Then you have to make him listen, if you tow don't talk then nothing will get solved."

"I know that mom."

"Then talk to him."

"He said he needs space from me."

"You should go to his office and demand he listen to you and stay until he does."

"It's not that easy mom."

"Stop finding the negative to everything and take a leap of faith that things will work out. If you won't your marriage to then you have to put in the work to make it work."

I was going to go home but I decided to take my mom's advice and go to Lucas' office. If I was going to make my marriage work then I had to do whatever it took. I knew he wasn't going to be happy to see me but that wasn't my problem. He either wanted to stay married to me or he didn't.

I went into his office to see a woman sitting on his desk leaning over to close to him while rubbing her hands up and down his chest. My heart instantly dropped not knowing rather to run or stay. I wanted to break down right there but I knew I couldn't. I coughed letting them know I was there. "Samaria," Lucas said shocked to see me. I didn't say anything but just stared at them two. I was still planning out my next move. The woman got down turning around to show off her too tight dress along with her huge bust line she was so happy to show to my husband. She slowly walked out making sure to keep her eyes on me. Maybe she thought she was making me feel low but the joke was on her, I already felt low. I was just a walking zombie going through the actions at this point.

When she was out of site for good Lucas got up and walked over to me. "What are you doing here Samaria?" I wanted to scream and not stop until I was ready, instead I kept myself calm just looking him in the eyes. He hadn't changed like I had. He didn't look tired like me. He looked like he could eat fine. Just seeing that he was okay made me know I meant nothing to him at this point. Here I was torn about our breaking marriage to the point crying seemed like the norm but here he was nicely dressed with a bimbo sitting on his desk while he looked perfectly okay with it.

"I came to make you talk to me so we could work on our marriage, but now I see why you haven't had the time to talk to me." I turned to leave out of his office before tears found their way to the surface but he grabbed me by my hand stopping me.

"It's not like that Samaria." I snatched my hand away from him. I turned back around finding it in me to glare at him. Anger was the easiest thing I could feel with no effort. I never thought I would be worrying about Lucas cheating on me, but hell I never thought we would be having this kind of fight.

"I've heard that before. I've been doing everything I can to make it up to you for leaving, for not considering your feelings about everything and all you've done is shut me out. And I couldn't blame you since I did the same thing to you, but then I come in here to see some chick sitting on your desk with her breast all out on display for you while touching all over you."

"There's nothing going on between us Samaria." I was so heated that I felt myself getting hot by the second. I knew if I stayed things would get ugly and no one wanted that. I as breathing hard and ready to find that bitch and put her down. I wiped away my falling tears backing up.

"That's not what it looked like." I turned around walking out of his office completely unraveled and confused.

After that whole blow up I couldn't see myself going home and waiting for another fight. I just wanted to be left alone. I just wanted to forget everything. For once I wanted to have fun. I hadn't smiled in a month or felt anything. I wanted my life back but I didn't know if that was possible.

I ended up at Raquel's place. She was the only one I knew I could depend on to not ask a lot of questions. She knew what it was like to go through this which was a plus. I was sitting on her couch staring into space not believing my luck. I was shaking badly and I could feel the tiredness coming on. Usually I would drink some strong coffee to stay awake but I didn't want to stay awake. I wanted to past out and let the dream world take over.

"Okay I got us a bottle of wine and some freshly popped popcorn," Raquel said coming out of the kitchen. She sat the popcorn down and poured us each a glass of wine. I looked at the glass of wine as if it could give me all the answers. "So are you ever going to tell me why you showed up in the middle of the night?" I sighed and took the glass of wine and chugged it down. The liquid felt smooth going down my throat as it took control of my senses.

"Lucas and I had a fight." I laid my head back enjoying my new feeling.

"About your miscarriage?"

"No, but it started with that." I took my glass asking her to pour me some more. She did and I took that to the head as well. My new plan was to get as drunk as I could to forget everything. Maybe I would do something crazy or maybe even laugh. Either way I wouldn't remember anything about today for a while.

"Drinking isn't going to help." I looked at her and laughed. She had no idea what would help me. I didn't even know what would help me anymore. I thought it was my husband but maybe he wasn't the solution either. I was lost, so I might as well enjoy being lost.

"Maybe not but it will let me forget for a while." I sat up filling my own glass afraid she would say no. I laid back to my spot looking at the ceiling.

"I think Lucas is cheating on me." This time Raquel laughed drinking her wine. Took a handful of popcorn eating it up.

"That man loves you and would cut off his own foot before even thinking about cheating on you." I knew she was trying to make me feel better but it didn't work. I could still see that woman in my mind. I had to admit she was perfect. Compared to me she was everything. Told myself she hadn't gotten to me but who was I fooling. She took my heart and stomped on it and then handed it back to me smiling. I wanted to believe I was strong but too much had happened for me to be strong anymore. I was beyond weak.

"I caught a big busted woman sitting on his desk."

"That doesn't mean he's cheating Samaria."

"It doesn't mean he isn't either." I chugged my wine down again loving the feeling of myself slipping away.