The Trials and Tribulations of Me

Chapter Twenty-Five

After a few more days of rest I was finally allowed to go back to work, which was a dream come true. I missed going to work. When I got back I fell right back into normal order, even giving Blair a day off. I missed baking and being able to connect with the customers. I also missed staying late trying to finish an order. My shop was where I belonged.

However, ever since my conversation with Lucas I haven't been the same. My mind kept wondering back to what he said about having a baby. I didn't know how I felt about that actually. It was as if I had turned off my emotions that was connected to that subject. I didn't want to think about this right now. I tried to work my way away from it but it kept catching up to me. I had to face the fact that he wanted a baby right now and I was just trying to figure out my emotions. I didn't know if I had healed from everything or if I was just in denial.

It was Saturday and since Lucas was going to be at work all day I decided I needed to go see my mom. I hadn't seen my mom since I went camping and when I got sick. I knew she was going to get impatient if I didn't go to see her. I needed to see her anyway, my mind was going a mile a minute and I needed her to slow it down.

When I walked into the house I went upstairs to find my mom making up the bed in her room. I watched remembering how I used to love watching her do this when I was younger. That was time I told myself I was going to be just like her when I grew up. But you soon learn when you grow up everything doesn't work out that way.

"My daughter has returned," my mom said noticing me.

"Yea, about that, I didn't know what Lucas had planned and I definitely didn't know I would end up getting food poisoning."

"Relax Samaria. Lucas called and told me his plans before you left and even called when you got sick." I nodded sitting on the bed sighing.

"Well that's good I guess."

"He also told me about a wedding you two will be having." I looked up and she was smiling wide. I knew this information made her happy. She has wanted to plan my wedding since I was born.

"I thought you might like that," I said smiling then dropping it quickly. I looked down at my feet not knowing what to say next. My mind was screaming. My mom came and sat down beside me. I could feel her eyes on me by now. She grabbed my hand squeezing it tightly.

"What's going on Samaria?"

"Lucas wants to try and have another baby." I bit my lip to hold back my tears. I hadn't cried about this in a long time and I promised myself I wouldn't. The tears were pushing at my lids making it harder for me to hold back what I had been holding back.

"Do you want that?"

"Lucas and I are getting back on track and he's learning how to balance work and home life."

"That's nice but I asked if that's what you wanted. Do you want to have or try to have a baby right now?" I took in her words not knowing how to respond. I knew how I wanted to respond but I just couldn't.

I looked at her with tears in my eyes. "No. I want a baby more than anything but what I've been through is still there and I need time."

"That's understandable."

"Is it? Because Lucas wants a child now and we literally just got back to being happy and I don't want to mess that up."

She brought me into her wrapping her arms around me. "You got pregnant pretty quickly which didn't allow you and Lucas to connect as a married couple. You two skipped a few steps and jumped straight into chaos and turmoil and that's okay but now you both need to take a few steps back in order to get to the point of being ready to be a parent."