The Trials and Tribulations of Me

Chapter Twenty

I couldn't get the conversation I had with Clair out of my head. I hated that I felt bad for her. I also hated that she had to go through that kind of life. I had mixed feelings about everything right now. I locked up the shop when I had the cakes cooked and stored away and was on my way to see Lucas. I knew he was still at work because he was throwing himself into his work as well.

I felt weird walking into his office because I was covered in flour but it wouldn't come out. I prayed no one would see me. I finally made it to his office and found him on his couch with his eyes closed. I took in his features, he looked stressed and tired. I remembered all the fun we had on that couch. We would try to be as quiet as we could so no one would know what we were doing.

"You look stressed." His eyes bolted open and slowly took in my body. His eyes roamed up and down my body slowly making me more and more uncomfortable. I knew he saw the flour and I was ashamed of that.

"I am which means I have no energy to argue with you."

I nodded and went to sit down on his desk facing him. "Your mom came to see me today."

"Is that so?"

"Yep and she had some interesting things to say."

"I bet."

"She told me about your visit at her hotel room and how you yelled at her."

"Isn't that what you wanted me to do? You wanted me to stand up to her and I did, now what you have another thing I didn't do right?" our eyes met and I could tell he was having a bad day. I jumped off his desk getting my things.

"Never mind, I shouldn't have come here."

"Why did you come here," he asked stopping me when I got to the door. I turned to him trying to think of an answer.

"I thought that since you finally stood up to your mother that maybe we could work things out."

"You mean like the fact that you took off your wedding ring or that you spent the night at Lincoln's place?" I looked down not saying anything. I didn't know what to say to that. "You know how I feel about him and yet you went and spent the night with him."

"Nothing happened Lucas," was all I could say. I did know that going to Lincoln's place was not the smartest move but it was the only place I wanted to be. Everything was spinning out control and I didn't feel like being with people that were just going to make me feel worse or question me.

"It doesn't matter Samaria."

"It does because obviously you don't trust me."

"I trust you just not him."

"Bullshit. The only reason I went to his place was because you refused to stand up for me." I sighed and sat down in the chair next to me. "Maybe your mom was right about our marriage."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's not supposed to be this hard. Marriage isn't supposed this hard. It seems like we can't get back to one no matter what and maybe we were never one. Maybe we shouldn't be married at all." I let my head drop and let a tear drop on my lap. I couldn't believe what I was saying but it was all true. It seemed like we couldn't win together no matter how hard we tried. I wanted us to work but maybe we weren't meant to. Maybe we were better a part and that saddened me.

The room stayed quiet for a minute as we both took in what I said. I didn't know what he would do next or what he would say to what I said.

"Do you really believe that," he finally asked breaking the silence.