J-Dog x Tha Produca
Jorel's POV
" Jorel? Jorel wake up! It's three in the afternoon!" Jordan's voice rung through my ears.
" leave me alone!" I grumbled, burying my face in my pillow.
" No. You have to get up at some point. You can't just sit around and sulk all day " Jordan said, taking my pillow from me.
" what's the point? It's not like I'm gonna do shit!" I snapped, rolling onto my back.
" you're gonna go out for once, with the rest of us!" he snapped back.
"okay....okay...if it'll get both of us to stop yelling.... " I mumbled.
I had a horrible headache from last night's round of heavy drinking.
Jordan left my room so I could shower and change.
I got out of bed, going to my bathroom.
I started the shower and then searched through my cabinets.
I took my antidepressants even though they wouldn't work very well since I hadn't taken them in a while.
There wasn't really any point because they didn't help with anything.
They didn't take the pain away.
They didn't take the memories away.
They didn't take the sadness away.
The loneliness was still there too.
I took some ibuprofen as well to help with my headache.
I slipped out of my clothes and took a quick shower.
Once I was finished with that I put on some clean clothes and walked out of my room.
I saw Jordan sitting on my couch, watching some show on tv.
I walked into my small, apartment sized kitchen, looking around at the half empty vodka bottles in the corner.
I glanced at the empty beer bottles and cans overflowing my recycling as well.
I sighed. I know I have a drinking problem but it's my only way to cope with his death.
I can't handle it sober so I drink till I can't feel anything.
Even though it was over two years ago I still can't think about it without breaking down or something.
It was the worst thing that'd ever happened to me and the most traumatic too.
None of us expected it and I even spent almost every day with him.
He was so good at hiding it that none of us suspected a thing.
I wish I could've seen how much pain he was in....I wish I could've saved him.
I wiped my tears away, shaking my head.
I had to stop thinking about it, I'd only make things worse if I didn't.
I couldn't though.
He was always in my thoughts.
His smile, his laugh, his voice.
Everything about him haunted me.
I just missed him so much.
He was everything to me and I let him slip out of my grip.
I quickly walked out of the kitchen, tapping Jordan on the shoulder.
" let's go " I muttered, walking to the door.
I slipped some shoes and a hoodie on, following Jordan out.
We walked out of my building and to his car.
I got in the passenger and he got in the driver.
Once he started the car we drove to George's.
~
We'd all been hanging at George's for a few hours now.
I was enjoying myself a little bit but I still couldn't keep all those thoughts out of my head.
I decided to go sit outside for a little while so that's what I was doing.
I had my almost empty bottle of beer in my hand as I sat on the porch steps.
I leaned again one of the posts, taking a sip of my drink.
I looked up at the sky, sighing.
"....I wish you were still here...." I murmured.
" Aron, I miss you so much. I don't know how much longer I can take it. This is the first time I've left our apartment in months for something other than getting food or alcohol. " I spoke.
I didn't know if he could hear me or not but I kept talking anyways.
" You haunt my every thought. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I just wish you would've let me in instead of keeping all your pain locked up. I would've helped you. I would've been there for you. "
I could feel tears stinging my eyes.
" I'm so sorry I didn't notice.....that I didn't see your pain. I wish I wouldn't have been so oblivious to it. I just want to be with you again. "
Tears fell down my cheeks.
" I would do anything to have you back. I would even fucking sell my soul just to be with you again "
I shivered slightly from the feeling of someone hugging me.
I looked around but no one was there.
" with you back, I'd be happy again. You were my happiness and now you're gone "
I felt it again.
That same feeling of someone hugging me, holding me tightly in their arms.
I was probably just imagining it.
Heh, I'm finally starting to lose my mind after all this.
I sighed, getting up and going back inside.
