Backfire (Niall Horan)

Chapter 5 ~ Guitar Hero

Chapter 5 ― Guitar Hero

 

   “You okay, Alex?” my friend Belle asked looking at me from the front seat whilst Phebs was driving. 

I just nodded but I didn’t try my best to convince her that I was telling the truth. My eyes were fixed on my hands and my mind could only think of one blond Irish boy. I didn’t feel like myself at all, on the contrary, when I was with him I felt like a total different person, a shyer one, more delicate, someone that needed the other person. When I dated other boys, I never felt like that, I always felt like me: strong, independent, confident; but Niall woke up things inside of me, things that I didn’t know I could feel.

“And I’m the queen. Girl, you don’t fool anyone,” the black-haired girl spoke again, her tone was one of pure concern. I sighed and shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about it yet, it was so confusing and I wasn’t prepared. I needed time to calm down and figure out what was happening with me and what I was going to do.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” I said softly, almost a whisper and I felt my friend’s hand on my shoulder.

In that moment I felt like everything was on top of me: what happened with Marcus, what I was feeling about Niall, all my past relationships, every single time I thought I had something good but ended up with my broken heart. When I said I was done with boys I really meant it. I didn’t want to suffer again; I didn’t want to make a bad decision again. Maybe Niall was a good boy, maybe he wasn’t going to break my heart –hypothetically speaking, of course– and maybe he was going to love me back, but maybe I was going to be the responsible for ruining everything, maybe I wouldn’t be enough and at the end my heart was going to be broken again. I didn’t want to hate Niall for what might happen. The best thing I could do was to stop and contain whatever I was feeling for him. I had to see him just like a friend and bury all my thoughts about a relationship as deep as I could.

“I’m okay,” I said, this time smiling and looking at my friend. I made a decision, one that didn’t make me feel a hundred per cent happy, but I knew it was the best and that left me at ease. Belle didn’t seem like she believed me so I took her hand and squeezed gently, smiling wider. “I’m okay, I swear. Don’t worry,” I promised and she looked at me like that, with worry in her eyes, for a few more seconds until she finally smiled and squeezed back.

“I don’t fully believe you, but you know you have us. If you want to talk, if you need to talk, we’re here for you. Don’t shut us out,” she asked and I felt a lump in my throat. I smiled weakly but I held her gaze, nodding.

I had great friends, always worrying about me. Sometimes I felt bad about because I wasn’t able to tell them everything all the time as they did with me, but there were things I couldn’t say out loud without breaking and I rather keep them to myself that let the people see how weak they made me.

“I know. Thanks,” I whispered and she smiled. I saw Phebs looking at me through the mirror, smiling as well.

We got home and I went directly to the kitchen for something to drink and eat before heading to my room. Phebs and Belle hugged me and kissed my cheeks before going to their rooms as well. I stayed in there, thinking for a little while. I wondered why Niall made me feel like this, so confused and awkward, so different and anxious when I just met him. I knew I said many times that he wasn’t my type, but that was only physically talking. Despites his look, he and I were very similar in those things that really matter and when we disagreed in something, he didn’t look at me like I was stupid, or weird or naïve. He seemed like he understood why I thought like that even if he didn’t share my point of view.