Backfire (Niall Horan)

Chapter 25 ~ Gloomy

Chapter 25 ― Gloomy 

I woke up with a lump in my throat. The dream was still playing in my head and my heart ached because I knew it wasn’t just a dream, it was the future. I knew this from the very beginning. I knew that Niall and I didn’t have much time ahead, that our story was ephemeral, but it still hurt like hell to see it. My heart was going to be broken but not because he didn’t care for me, or because he cheated on me or because he stopped caring about me; it was going to be because we couldn’t be together anymore.

Ethan woke up, too, and he must have seen my face because he rose immediately and took my hand. “You okay?” He asked me with concern as I swallowed hard.

“Yup, just a bad dream,” I replied but my heart still ached, waiting for that moment I saw in my dream, because I knew it was inevitable.

“Whatever it was, you can talk to me, you know, right?” He said and I nodded leaning on him.

We stayed like that for a while, I tried to push aside the memory of my dream, but it was so difficult. My feelings for Niall were so strong that they startled me, and just thinking of being apart from him hurt me. I had it clear that I just knew him for a couple of weeks, but our connection was something that I had never experienced before, it was… well, it felt unique and so precious. I knew I was falling for Niall… now I knew that I already fell and those weren’t good news because it only meant it was going to hurt more at the end.

I was gloomy all morning and made my friends and Ethan feel worried, but I couldn’t help it. The dream flashed before my eyes over and over again, I couldn’t stop seeing Niall’s face when he said it was over. They tried to make me talk, but I just hugged myself torn between wanting to run to Niall’s arms or running as far away from him as I could. I wasn’t sure whether I had to cut everything between us now, or wait –and to enjoy in meantime– until the end hoping I would survive that moment.

I was probably being dramatic and I was overreacting, I would have laughed at any other person in a situation like this before, but it felt completely different when one was at this end of the situation. It was different when it was your heart the one being broken.

“Alex, you okay?” Phebs asked sitting next to me. I didn’t notice her approaching as I was sitting on the sofa hugging my legs, lost deep in my thoughts. I looked up at her and bit my cheek trying to figure out what to say. I was so used to say ‘fine, I’m perfect’ even when I felt so divided inside, but I was tired. For a moment I wanted to think of myself and what I was feeling, I wanted to let people hear me out, to give me advice. I wanted support, the same support I always refused because I cared more about not worrying them than about what I was feeling.

“I don’t think so,” I replied with a shattered voice. Phebs opened her eyes in surprise before hugging me. I buried my face in her chest and hugged her back. “I don’t wanna lose Niall,” I whispered ever so low. “I think I love him and I don’t wanna lose him.”

“What makes you think you’re gonna lose him?” asked my friend rubbing my back.

“I’m realistic, Phebs. I’ve told you this before: our lives don’t fit together. How can a relationship work between us when he’s a popstar and I’m just a girl. He has tours, I have exams. He has tons of fans, I have tons of things to study. We just can’t…” I trailed off.

“How can you be so sure about it? Alex, you are giving up without even trying your best to achieve what you want. The Alex I know never quits without a fight,” she told me cupping my cheeks so I would see her eyes. “The Alex I know wouldn’t just assume that everything was lost without fighting.”