Reflecting their own light: Rory and Logan

Chapter 33.5

Once the initial flurry had settled, the doctor quickly briefed me and Lorelai before he left to perform the surgery.  He didn't sound very worried as he'd seen this time of thing happen often enough, and it was a simple procedure.  He said as long as they could get the bleeding stopped, she'd be fine, but would need some extra time at the hospital.  I felt a bit relieved, but I knew she wasn't out of the woods yet.

After the doctor left, I stood in the delivery room with our little girl in my arms and I began to cry.  The tears rolled down my cheeks.  I tried to wipe them away, but they wouldn't stop falling.  I felt so helpless.  I couldn't raise this little girl on my own, not without Ace.  I had just gotten her back, and we had only begun this chapter of our lives together.  It's just not fair, I thought angrily.  I cradled the baby a little closer, and she helped me calm down.  I had to be strong for the two more important people in my life.

"I'm going to find some coffee," Lorelai said softly to me.  "Can I bring you anything?"

Her voice shook me out of the thought world in which I was lost.  "No, thanks though," I replied.

"She's going to be fine, Logan.  Rory's resilient.  She'll pull through, I'm sure of it.  Just remember your own strength in all of this," she said.  She put a calming arm around my shoulders.  I mustered a weak smile in return.

The nurse came in to check on us and bring us down to the post delivery room, where Rory would be staying post recovery.  The baby had started to move around a little bit and seemed like she was trying to nuzzle into me.  The nurse noticed right away.

"It seems your little girl is hungry, which is very normal this early on, she said with a soft smile.  The lady had a gentle, kind way about her that seemed to sooth me.

"How can you tell?" I asked in reply.  I was still new to this and thought babies only cried when they wanted something.  I can't even tell if my own child is hungry.  How in the world am I going to be able to raise her on my own if I can't even figure out one of her basic needs? I worried.

"She's searching for a breast to feed.  I'm guessing you don't have the right equipment to satisfy her needs," she quipped.  "If you're alright with it, we can get you a bottle to feed her."

"That would be great," I said with a relieved look.  We hadn't really discussed how we wanted to feed the baby, but I couldn't deny her food simply because Rory wasn't able to provide at that moment.

A few minutes later, she returned with a bottle and pacifier.  There's nothing like diving headfirst into parenthood.  I settled into the chair with the baby and bottle.  When I offered it to her, she immediately started sucking and didn't seem to want to let go.  She's definitely got the Gilmore appetite, I thought.  I was so enthralled in my daughter, that I hadn't noticed Lorelai came back into the room bearing gifts of coffee.

"I know you said you didn't want any, but I couldn't bring you any scotch.  I figured this was the next best thing," she said with a chuckle.  She set the coffee down on the table next to me.  I could feel her staring at me, so I looked up to see that the doctor was also in the room.

"Oh, sorry, I was just...."

"It's ok.  I just wanted to let you know that surgery went just fine.  We were able to get the bleeding stopped easily.  Aside from a little extra time healing, she's going to be just fine," he told us.  He went on to explain what happened and what we'll need to do for her during the next week or so.

I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and could hear an audible sigh from Lorelai.  She put her hand on my shoulder and leaned in toward her granddaughter.  "You hear that?  Your mommy's going to be just fine!"