Sanders Sides One Shots [xReader]

Panic [RomanXreader]

TW // Panic attack 

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[Your POV]

Grey. For most people it's a color, for me it's a mood that I can't seem to change.

I never feel happy, I don't really feel sad, I just... don't feel. It feels like the last time I smiled was forever ago and I don't even remember why.

I wake up and feel particularly dark grey this morning. Looking around I realize that I am still alive and at my friend Thomas' house.

I look out of the window that is covered by fog so thick, that I can barely see the street light that's just a few feet to the right.

I put on a pullover, jeans, boots and my grey coat and sneak out of the front door.

I cross my arms in front of my chest as the cold air hits me and walk down the quiet dark street. I see a playground with a round swing and decide to go there. The swings and slides looked old and were long deserted, at least judging by the spiderwebs on the main attractions like the spiral slide and the swings.

Grabbing a stick I remove the small spiderwebs from the round swing and sit on it, giving it a little push before laying down on it and looking up at the grey, cloudy sky.

[Narrator's POV]

The thick fog, which, at this point, was so dense that it made the whole scenery look like an old black and white picture, felt cool on (Y/N)'s skin. She closed her eyes and listened to the birds that were happily singing their songs in the distance.

(Y/N)'s mind started to wander off to a place that she doesn't like, a place that's darker than the numb grey feeling that usually occupied  her heart and brain.

You're useless.

A quiet voice in the back of (Y/N)'s head chanted and grew louder and louder.

You're stupid.
No one likes you.
You're worthless.
You're ugly.
You're alone.
Die.
Die.
Die.

The phrases, especially the last 3 letter word, got louder and louder as they echo through her mind.

The grey feeling, that has long sat roots in (Y/N)'s heart and grows like a tree into the different parts of her body, is getting darker and darker.

She feels pressure on her chest and sits up as she feels a panic attack coming.

[Your POV]

I start to breath rapidly as my muscle tense. The world starts to spin, I pull my knees to my chest, wrap my arms around them and start to shake.

The ringing in my ears is getting louder and louder and mixes in with the 3 letter word I hate.

Die.
Die.
Die.
Die.

By now my muscles tensed so much that every little movement hurts. I close my eyes and bite on my lower lip, drawing blood.

I feel tears running down my face, but I don't dare to move and wipe them away.

Suddenly something makes it's way through the ringing in my ears.

"(Y/N)!?"

Someone's calling out for me.
I try to say something, open my mouth, but my jaw doesn't move.

"(Y/N) where are you!?"

I'm here! I'm here!
I try to yell, but to no avail.

Lonely.
Ugly.
Stupid.
Unloved.
Die.
Die.
Die.