Little Monster~Enoch O'connor

The Argument

It was Enoch. He was so intimidating but I loved it. He was so mysterious, I wanted to know what secrets lived behind his breathtaking face. It was obvious I couldn't stay mad at him for long.

"So where have you been all day?" He spat at me.
"At the beach like I told you, you could of come if you wanted,"
"Why would I want to come?! You were probably shoving your tongue down Jake's throat all day!" He said disapprovingly.
"What the actual fuck? We are just friends and you know that! Where have you got that from?" I said feeling outraged.
"I know what you're doing!" He said raising his voice slightly.
"Well please tell me what I'm doing then because I have no idea!"
"You're using me! Leading me on!"
"Who told you that bullshit" I was so pissed off, I knew there was probably some younger kids listening but the last thing I was worried about.
"Olive" He said
I scoft "You believe Olive!"
"I've known her longer. It makes sense you spend soo much time with Jake!" He was almost shouting now. I could see that anger and pain in his eyes.
"I'd rather spend it with you!" Even though he was being a dick to me, I admitted it.
"So you can use me! This is why I don't let people close. Shouldn't have trusted you, you're just like the rest!" He hissed at me.
"I know everyone you've ever trusted has hurt you, but I thought you saw me differently" I said trying to talk some sense into him.
"You hardly even know me!"
"Them help me to!" We were both shouting now.
"You'll never understand what it's like!"
"What is like to what?"
"To be constantly haunted by your past, to be broken, being seen as a freak!" He shouted at me. I felt like he had stabbed me in the heart. I was fuming. I summoned my snakes. I told them not to attack but to scare him. They materialised infront of me
"Don't you dare say that! You have no idea what I've been through! You think you know everything! You don't know shit about me! You absolute piece of shit I can't believe I even liked you!" I screamed at him. I ran off to my room and slammed my door. I heard my snakes hiss at Enoch, then his footsteps and his door slamming. I heard thumps and crashes from next door.

I locked my door and fell to the floor. How could Enoch say that to me? I thought he actually cared about me and like me! Normally things people said didn't hurt me, but this, this tore me up inside. Made me doubt everything. I fucking hated this.

My anger quickly melted to saddness. I felt terrible. I didnt try to hold back my tears. The fell down my face like waterfalls. I couldn't think straight. I didnt want to talk to anyone or see anyone. I needed to clear my head. I picked up a vinyl and put it on the player. I played Don't Go by Bring Me the Horizon on repeat. (Above). It summed up everything. I realised how much I need Enoch, how I was slowly falling in love with every part of him, how I knew I couldn't go on by myself. I needed him to help me fight my demons.

For some reason I couldn't blame him. I couldn't hate him. But there was one person I hated with every part of my being. Olive. That snake. That bitch. She is horrible. How can someone do that, no matter how jealous they are. I wanted to make her feel my pain. I wanted to get revenge. Sweet revenge.

I lost track of time. I heard people calling us for dinner. I guess I wasn't the only one who wasn't ok. I wasn't hungry. I didnt go down for dinner. I started to think about how Enoch felt and what he'd think of me. Was he angry? Upset? Confused? Guilty? Did he hate me? Did he still like me? I had no idea. I only way I'd know is if I talked to him. I knew I couldn't do that. I'd probably break down infront of him.

I moved to window. I sat on its sill. I didnt try to sleep as I knew it would be full of nightmares. I watched the sun go down on the horizon. The dark trees and bright sky merged into one. Then I watched the day rest. How I wished I could go back and change what had happened.

I waited for a the emptiness to come and take away my saddness but it never came. Then I realised something. Ever since I had been around Enoch I'd felt better. I'd felt more complete. I had emotions. I wasn't perminatly numb. He had lit a fire inside my soul, it was full of emotions. I guess this is what falling in love feels like. It's like you've been woken from a sleep and you were finally experiencing things.

I was getting cold by the window. I decided to get into my bed. How I wished Enoch was there to warm me and to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. But I had blown that. I had no chance of Enoch liking me again. He was gone. Out of reach. He'd slipped through my fingers so easily. I'd do anything to fix this.

Time skip back to just after the argument.

Enoch's POV
I'd really fucked up this time. I slammed by door and locked it. I threw my homunculi off my bed and onto the floor. I sat on my pillow, still shaking. I was angry, jealous, hurt, sad and a mess. I couldn't focus on one thought. My head was spinning and tears spilled over my face.

Then I remebered the look in Kathy's eyes. I knew she was hurt. Really hurt. They still had something missing from them. What I said had really hurt her. I hated myself. The only person who ever seemed to care about me I had got rid of because of some stupid lie Olive told.

Just the thought of Olive made my blood boil. That witch! She'd torn everything I ever liked away from me, leaving me empty. I hated her. What she'd done is unforgivable. What I'd done to Kathy was unforgivable. How would I fix this? I couldn't. I'd just had to let her go.

Peopled called me and her down for lunch but I shout at them to go away. I didnt want to see anyone except Kathy. I wanted to apologise to her. Say how sorry I was. I knew I'd only mess it up. I'd make it worse. I'd say something wrong. I'd hurt her more.

The more I thought about Kathy the more confused I was. She said she liked me, but in what way? She said he wanted to spend time with me but did she really? What was it that I felt around her? Was it love? She wanted to know me better but I couldn't let her in. She'd hate me. All I knew is that she drove me crazy and I needed her.

I knew I couldn't have such a beautiful girl. I don't deserve her. She could have someone that makes her happy, that's happy himself. I've dreamed of being with her, and that's all I'd ever do. She probably like Jake. He was attractive, kind, caring and positive. He's the complete opposite of me. I'm a monster, far from attractive let alone cute or attractive. No one could ever like me. Not truly. She said she didn't like Jake but I knew she just didn't want to hurt me. 

I longed to tell her things. I wanted to see her so badly. It was like she was my oxygen and without her, I couldn't exist. I needed her more than anything before. There was so much I wanted to show her and tell her. But I knew I'd never be able to. I'd lost her. Forever.