Shadows Peak |✔

Chapter 24: Jasper

It took everything in Jasper not to look away from the screen. He knew what was going to unfold before him, and his heart was taking a beating as he watched him and Liz talk amongst the crowd. They were laughing and teasing each other, like they always did; like they would never do again.

"I can't watch this," Brenan said, standing up from his chair. "You guys can keep going. I'll be out in the hall."

Jasper could see Lucas watch Brenan leave, but he himself couldn't take his eyes away from the screen.

I can't afford to miss anything.

His whole body tensed up when he saw Sydney enter the scene from the bottom right corner. She was just as beautiful as he remembered. He wished he could have shielded her from the things that were going to happen. The things that did happen.

"Is that Sydney?" Lucas asked, pointing to the girl that Jasper was desperately trying to get back.

He just nodded his head, afraid of what his voice might sound like.

A few moments passed on screen before the limousine pulled up a couple of meters away from them. Jasper let out a heavy and shaky breath as he tried his best to hold himself together.

He forced his eyes to stay open, even when the car exploded.

"Jesus!" Lucas shouted, startled by the scene. "It's a good thing this clip doesn't have any sound."

Jasper didn't respond. For Lucas this may be silent, but for him it was deafeningly loud. He could hear the screams and explosions as clear as they were that day. He could taste the smoke and sweat that coated his throat as he ran tirelessly to get him and Sydney out of there. He could feel it all as if it were happening right then. The only thing that differed was the vantage point the camera gave him of everything.

Jasper reached forward and gripped the computer mouse, dragging the arrow across the time bar, rewinding it back a full minute; right before the explosion.

Lucas looked shocked by what his friend was doing, but he didn't stop him.

Clicking play, Jasper watched him, Liz, and Sydney on the screen. The first time this played he was watching the car. This time he was going to watch them.

When the explosion happened, he watched as a chunk of the limosine hit all three of them. He flew right, knocking down a lot of people as he flew off screen. Sydney flew left, but was still somewhat visible. But, the chunk of metal stuck to Liz, crushing her with its weight. In that moment, as Jasper literally watched what changed his life forever, he was right back in the chaos.

"Liz," he croaked out, reaching his hand out to the screen trying to reach her, but she was long gone; buried under six feet of dirt.

"Jasp, man, you shouldn't be watching this. It's not healthy," Lucas said, resting his hands on Jasper's shoulders.

"Liz."

"Jasper," Lucas said, shaking him, but Jasper's eyes stayed glued on his dead friend.

Why did it have to hit you the worse, Liz? Why not me? I'm so much bigger than you, I probably would have survived, but you? You didn't stand a chance.

He wiped the tears away that had fallen from his saddened blue eyes, blinking them for what felt like the first time since he started watching the footage.

"Jasp, the attack already happened. You're not going to find anything else here. Let's just check out another video," Lucas suggested, his voice coated in concern.

"Look. That's me...when I found Liz," Jasper said, pointing at the screen.

Before him, Jasper watched himself crouch down infront of Liz, crying. It was weird seeing himself like that; watching as the old him processed the worst thing to ever happen to him.

"And off I go," he narrated as he watched himself run away in search of Sydney. "Like an idiot, I ran in the wrong direction at first."

Jasper kept watching the screen as Lucas watched him.

"You alright, man?"

No, Luke, I'm not alright. I'm reliving the day my life turned to hell.

"And that's when I heard Syd calling my name," he continued narrating. "And that's when I saw her laying on the ground. She was injured, but alive."

Thank God she was alive.

Jasper stepped back from the computer, laughing.

"Jasper?" Lucas asked, extremely worried.

But, Jasper just kept laughing. Rewatching that traumatic day had flipped a switch inside of him, and he was losing all mental stability he'd gained over the past two weeks.

"It's funny, Luke. I had just found out Liz was dead, and when I found Sydney alive...I knew we'd be able to make it. But everything only got worse!" Jasper rambled, half laughing and half crying.

Lucas walked over to Jasper, trying to figure out a way to help him.

"I had to give her up! Right after finding her still breathing, I had to give her up! I had to send her away so that she could stay safe, but I didn't want to, Luke! I didn't want to!" Japser cried, now hysterical. "I wanted her to be safe, with me! I want her to be with me!"

Jasper wasn't sure how much time he spent crying, but he was thankful Lucas didn't judge him.

"Thanks, Luke. Sorry for being so...out of it," Jasper said, looking down at the ground.

Lucas waved his hand down, gesturing for Jasper not to worry about it.

"So, how long?" Lucas asked, sitting down beside Jasper on Brenan's bed.

"What do you mean?"

"How long, Jasp, have you been in love with Sydney?"

Jasper instantly stood up, putting distance between himself and Lucas.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jasper said, facing the wall.

"Come on, man. We used to tell each other everything. You can be honest with me," Lucas said to Jasper, who was refusing to look at him.

After a few seconds, he turned around, his face pained.

"Be honest with you? How can I do that when I couldn't even be honest with her?" Jasper asked, thinking of all the things he never said.

"Try being honest with yourself," Lucas suggested, standing up as well. "You know deep down inside how you feel about her. So say it. Admit it to yourself, out loud so that you can't deny it."

Say it out loud?

"This is ridiculous," Jasper said, trying to dismiss what Lucas was saying. "I miss Sydney. That's natural considering how close we are."

"But, why do you miss her so much. Is it because she's just a friend? Because you and I were practically inseparable before you transferred here for school, and I highly doubt you were ever this torn up over me," Lucas expounded.

Jasper sighed, running a hand through his growing hair. His heart was hurting, but it had been ever since that day.

"I can't say it out loud, Luke. It would be too real," Jasper managed to admit through a whisper.

Lucas just nodded his head, understanding what Jasper was saying.

"Brenan, you can come back in," Lucas said as he stuck his head out the door.

When Brenan came back in, he took his seat by his computer. He was saying something to Lucas, but Jasper wasn't listening. His mind was too consumed by his reality; one that's existed for almost three years.

I love you, Sydney.