Game Changer

FORTY-EIGHT

I stare out of the window mindlessly while I watch the grey clouds that match my mood.

Soft music plays in the background and I feel Martin glance at me every couple of seconds. After Alex stormed off, he asked Martin to take me home since he was my ride. At least he had some kind of consideration.

I hear a sigh escape Martin's lips before he speaks. "I know that I don't know what he said to you when you guys had that argument," Martin says with sincerity, making me look at him. "but I promise you he didn't mean it." He insists, looking at me briefly.

I want to ask how he knows that but I just look blankly at him.

Maybe Alex didn't mean them but that doesn't take away the fact that they hurt. Quite a fucking lot actually. It's funny how things happen. Just a few hours ago, everything was fine between Alex and I. Everything was good and right now I don't even know what we are. Whether we're together or not.

Probably not because he probably hates me. He hates me.

The thought makes fresh tears spring to my eyes and I look away from Martin before he can see me cry. I don't want to cry in his arms, I want to cry in Alex's. I want Alex to wrap his arms around me and for me to bury my face in his chest and smell Vanilla and Axe while he whispers sweet words into my ears.

But he's gone. And probably won't return.

"Alex says a lot of stupid stuff when he's angry." Martin adds and I just nod. What am I supposed to do? Have hope that Alex still wants to be with me and then have my heart crushed when he says no? I'd rather expect no and receive a yes then the other way around. The thing is that Martin doesn't know what he said so how can he tell me that Alex didn't mean it?

We pull up outside of my house and I grab my backpack, ready to watch Netflix while sobbing in my room. I give Martin a strained yet grateful smile and he does too.
"I'll speak to him but don't take his words to heart." He mumbles.

Easier said than done.

I nod and climb out the car, shutting the door and making my way inside just as Martin drives off.

I notice how quiet the house is and realise that my mother isn't home. I don't know whether to be relived that I can cry on my own without being interrogated or be upset that there's nobody here to comfort me. I walk upstairs into my room and throw my bag on my desk in anger.

I tug at my hair and let out a scream of frustration before breaking into sobs.

I just got him and I already lost him. I turned him into my home and now I'm homeless. Lost.

I notice the pink ring on my table that he gave to me when he asked me out and I walk towards it, picking it up and giving a wistful smile. To think that only a week ago we officially owned up to our feelings and yet here I am; heartbroken and useless.

I don't know what I'm feeling. It's like sadness, anger, guilt, pain and desperation all wrapped in one.
I remember our first date when we were staring at the stars and I told him not to break my heart.

"I wont." He had said, yet here I am. That sends a pulse of anger through me before it's just replaced with hurt. He's probably feeling the same thing though. At least he didn't 'betray' me because that's what he thinks I've done. He thinks I told the Elite about his story.

But I wouldn't.

Not when it involves the boy who has my heart.

I think of every moment we've had together and smile sadly at the memories. I've never experienced this kind of heartache; where it feels like my heart is physically breaking with every thought of him, with every replay of the words he shot at me.