Book 1- Fill the Void

Summer (Before 5th Year)

Five years ago today I got my Hogwarts letter, I'll be That again tonight. A shiver runs down my spine and my stomach twists sickeningly. It's around two thirty in the middle of July. Bright and sunny. I don't feel it, the warmth that is. I never feel warm anymore. I don't feel anything realy, it's both a blessing and a curse. The Punishments don't hurt anymore, that's a good thing, but then I don't really feel anything else ether. No warmth of the sun, no chilly winter night air, nothing. People say it's creepy that I don't respond to touch, someone can tap me on the shoulder and I won't respond because I can't feel it. My nerves have shut down, due to the years of torcher. 

I'm in the garden, weeding, the sun is shining down on my back and neck, no warmth follows, even my sunburns don't hurt like they should be doing. I'm only halfway through my chores and I need to finish them before six. If they aren't done on time you can bet I'll get punished for it. I'm already going to be punished and there's no way that I'll be able to withstand two and still be able to work tomorrow. Despite not being able to feel it my limbs will still be stiff and hard to move after a really bad punishment. I'm still suffering from last nights beating. One of Dudleys friends ran into him and knocked him down. Dudley cut his elbow and had to go to hospital got stitches. Of course that was my fault. I was locked in my 'room' at the time (which is the cupboard under the stairs) but that didn't matter. Dudley got hurt, that was bad, and anything bad that happens is automatically my fault. 

Kneeling in front of the lavender and honeysuckle, I enter a realm of pice in my mind. I love the garden, it's the only thing that I'll do willingly, everyday I'll weed the garden and plant more flowers, it's fun.  'If only I could stay out here forever' I think. I'm so much in a trance that I don't realise the danger until it's on top of me. Literally. 

"Oi, Freak, I want a snack" Dudley yells jumping on top of me. His weight is that of an elephant, and I'm betting that it broke some if not all of my ribs.

"I'll get it for you now" I say getting up from the flower bed. I freeze when I realise that when Dudley jumped on me it sent me flying into the flowers destroying them. "Shit".

"Daddy, Harry ruined Mummy's favourite flowers!"  

"WHAT! HOW DARE YOU, BOY!" His purple face comes into view as he comes storming out of the back door, his weight wobbling as he does so. If it wasn't for the situation, I'd defiantly be laughing. 

"I-I'm s-s-sorry u-uncle!" I stammer, terrified. I may not feel it but I don't want to get beat up. My face pales as he gets closer.

"I'm going to make you wish you were never born, freak" he yells grabbing onto my hair and dragging me into the house. He slams my body into every single wall on the way to my cupboard. He swings the door open and into my face, I hear a crack and I'm betting my nose is bleeding. Swinging my body around, making sure that my head slams into the wall as he does, he throws me into my 'room'. "I'll see you tonight, boy"

I lie there wondering what will be my added punishment. My body is weak from hunger and after yesterday's beating I'm not sure my body will be able to handle tonight's usual punishment let alone an additional one. Why do I have to be here? The blood wards that dumb-as-a-door say are needed to protect me are non existent. They only work as long as the place is considered a home. This place will never be my home! Lying here panicking over tonight's session, I start to drift of into an uneasy sleep.

/"kill the spare" 

"Nooooooo" I scream as the green light envelopes Cedrics body. He drops to the ground, his lifeless, glassy eyes meeting mine. They bore a hole straight through my mind, forever embedding that look straight into my dreams.

"Why, Harry? I'm dead. It's your fault. You killed me! Your weak! Pathetic! Why did you kill me?"

"I'm sorry, Cedric. I didn't mean to. I didn't know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'M SORRY!"/

I bolt up, slamming my head against the low cowling in my four foot be two foot cell. It's dark and I allow my tears to stream down my face. "I'm sorry Cedric" I wiser under my breath repeatedly. I sit there in the featal position crying and waiting for nighttime when my living nightmare will come.