Jerika: A High School Drama

14: All My Fault

October 17 (Sunday)

Erika's POV:

I can't believe that Jake bought me that candle yesterday, he was so nice! Whenever I'm with him, I feel like we're more than friends. But we act like friends. Does that make sense? Like Jake is super sweet and thoughtful and kind, he wouldn't hurt a fly, but we don't hold hands or kiss, except for that one night. It's like we both want for us to be more, but we haven't done anything about it.

I'm getting tired of all these, I guess, mind games with Jake. Does he want to date me? Or is this just the kind of person he is, sweet and thoughtful. I want to be more than friends, but if he just wants to stay friends, it will be really hard for me to accept it. Him and I are supposed to hang out today at the park down the street, I might acknowledge all of this then.

Jake's POV:

Today when me and Erika hang out I'm going to ask her out. I've had enough of all this mutual drama that none of us talk about. As soon as I get there, I'm just going to ask her. Rip it off like a band-aid. Take the bull by the horns. Logan already told me that she likes me, so why am I so nervous? I'm getting butterflies just thinking about it. It feels like when I was doing tryouts for the football team at my old school. I have never been so nervous than that day. But today, today feels like football tryouts-nervous.

"Ok mom I'm going to hang out with Erika."
"Again? You're spending an awful lot of time with her."
"I know, but I think I'm going to ask her out today,"
"Aww Jake! My baby boy's asking a girl out!"
"Mommm," I said,"I knew I shouldn't have told you that.''
"No, it's good! Who wouldn't want to date my Jakey?"
"Bye, love you,"
"Love you Jake, good luck."

I was the first there, and practiced what I was going to say in my head.

Erika, would you wanna go out with me? No, that's not it.

Erika, do you want to go on a date with me? Nah.

Erika, will you go out with me? I think I'll say that, because I can't think of anything better.

I sat on a swing, drawing in the mulch with my foot. Then Erika came up to me.

"Hey!" She said.
"Hey! Long time no see,"
"I know right? It's only been like 20 hours!" She joked.
She sat on a swing, and we sat there for about 20 seconds of, luckily, comfortable silence until I spoke up.
"Ok, so, I need to ask you something," I said.
"Ok, what?"
I hesitated for a second. I looked into her eyes, and they were filled with wonder, and just innocence.
"Will you, um," I was so nervous, I felt my face turning bright red. "Will you help me with math later?"

Instantly, I regretted saying that. Why couldn't I just ask her out! I was getting so frustrated with myself.

"Yeah sure, I was confused with the homework a little bit too."
"Ok good, I'm not the only one."
There was about a minute of silence.
"You okay Jake? You seem a little off today."
"What? Yeah, I'm fine," I replied.
"You sure you're fine? You just don't seem like yourself today. If something's wrong just tell me Jake."
I paused for a few seconds and looked down at my feet.
"I'm fine, and I bet I can go higher than you!" I said that to switch the subject, and started swinging to start a race. But Erika didn't start swinging.
"Jake, something is clearly wrong, can't you just tell me what it is?"
I slowed down and said, "No! Gosh can't you just give me some space? Let me be! This is MY life! Not yours!"

Oh no. Why did I have to snap at her? I was just taking my anger of myself out on her.

"Fine." Erika stood up and walked across the park. I was going to call after her, but I knew she wouldn't come back. I leaned over and put my head in my hands. Ugh I'm so stupid. I was mad at myself for not asking Erika out, and then she asks what's wrong because she CARES ABOUT ME,  and I take out my anger on her. I knew from the moment I said that that I messed up.

After about 10 minutes I got up and quietly walked around to look for Erika. I found her under the canopy at a picnic table, she was on her phone. I walked up from behind her and stood at the edge of the table.

"Erika?"
No reply. Not even a glance up from her phone. I saw a tear drip down her face.
"I'm so sorry. Please, I, I,"
"Please don't talk to me." Erika said, still staring at her phone.
"But, please just, just, I'm so sorry."
"I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow." She left and walked down the street to her house. I sat where she just got up from, and put my head down. Why do I have to mess everything up. Now I was even more mad at myself. I started crying, just from being so furious. Over the 2 weeks or so I've known Erika, we've come so close, and I truly care for her, and I think I even love her. I can't loose her when I'm this close to having her.

I stayed under that canopy for a long time. I basically cried myself to sleep there, and I sensed it getting darker. Then it started sprinkling. The sprinkles turned into a drizzle, which turned into a very strong rain. It was so loud under the metal roofed canopy. I couldn't hear my phone ring. Me and Erika met at the park at 5:00, and it was 10:30 when my mom found me. I was fast asleep on the old wood picnic table.

My mom shook me awake, and I quickly woke up, looked around, and tried to remember where I was for a second.
"Jake! Where have you been! I've been worried sick! You never called me back!"
"Mom, I'm sorry."
"What happened?" She asked me.
"I guess me and Erika had a fight."
It just then dawned on me that we had a fight. A bad one. There wasn't much to the fight, but it made me feel like crap. And probably her too. She did nothing wrong. It's all my fault. It's my fault that all this happened.
"I don't want to talk about it,"
"Well let's get you home! You must be so cold."
I didn't realize it until then, but my hands were discolored. They were bright red. I quickly held them together and wrapped them in my shirt. My mom took off her coat and wrapped it around me. It was 3 sizes small, and pink, but I honestly didn't care. She helped me get up and we walked home, and she held the umbrella over both of us.

Once I got home and warmed up and ate some food, I told my mom what happened. She gave me a hug, which I really needed, and told me she was sorry that it happened. I was so close to having Erika, and then I lost it all. And it's all my fault. I just have to come in and mess everything up.

{Nope, I didn't tear up while writing this chapter! That most definitely DID NOT happen. :) }