The Nanny [Jimmy Fallon]

28

I am on fire with these updates! This chapter is a little shorter than usual though. Hope you enjoy!

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The few hours spent with Jimmy consumed my every thought for the remainder of the day, so much so that I could hardly focus on anything else. The cab ride to the bar with Louisa went in a blur, her words entering one of my ears then out the other, my mind fixated on Jimmy's smile. When we got there and Cameron wrapped his arms around me, all I could think of the way Jimmy's big hands felt on my back. I sat and sipped on an Old Fashioned and my thoughts were back with him, in that dressing room again.

After the show his assistant had come running to me with his phone number, as he got caught up meeting fans and didn't want to disappoint either of us. I wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse having the option to call him or not, but I knew I couldn't trust myself when I was drunk, so I had given the slip of paper with his messy scrawl on to Louisa. "No matter how much I beg when I'm wasted," I told her firmly. "Do not let me call him."

She had agreed, telling me to focus more on Cameron and what I wanted with him. I knew exactly what I wanted - my heart was not with him, despite my head telling me I should give it a shot. And with Jimmy in my life again my mind was muddled, the desperation to see him and ask if we could give it another shot overpowering.

It was absurd - there was no way Jimmy and I could give it another shot. Too much time had passed, plus I didn't even know what he wanted from me. 

There was the age difference too, which Louisa had pointed out was fairly significant. I was nearing 28 and he was 44, over 16 years parting us and that was too much for me to ignore. Sure, it hadn't been an issue initially, but we'd never really gotten to the serious point.

"How can you drink those?" Cameron asked me when I was 3 Old Fashioned's down, thoughts of Jimmy drifting out of mind as the intoxication took over instead, false confidence overtaking everything else. Cameron had been sweet and attentive all evening, but I couldn't focus on him. Not until now.

"I like the burn," I shrugged, finishing off the last of my glass and immediately ordering another, asking the bartender to refill the rest of the group's drinks too. Cameron, Louisa and I were out with a few of Cameron's model friends who lived in NYC, including a model I recognised from Victoria's Secret. She was beautiful and she kept on flirting with Cameron, despite his gaze being permanently fixed upon me. I hardly noticed, my thoughts somewhere else entirely. 

"You do seem pretty off, babe," he frowned, looking concerned. "I thought you'd be in a good mood after reuniting with Fallon! Louisa said the interview was awesome."

In all honesty, even I couldn't explain my sombre mood. I should have been in a good mood - after all I'd seen Jimmy and it was amazing, and we were going for dinner tomorrow night. I guess I was just confused about what I wanted - not only from him, but from Cameron too.

"Uh, also Izzie, I wanted to ask you about the premiere." I looked up into his eyes, feeling panic arise within me and noticing Louisa glancing across too. "What do you want to do? Do you want me to walk with you or not? Just..." he trailed off, before clearing his throat. "I don't really know what the press will say."

"Gosh, um, I don't know," I murmured, smiling at the bartender as he handed me my drink. "I mean, I should probably talk to Louisa about it. She is my publicist, after all."

He seemed to accept that, albeit reluctantly, trying to hide his disappointment behind his glass of vodka and cranberry. I watched as his eyebrows furrowed, glancing down at the table, clearly deep in thought. I almost felt guilty as I looked at him, after all, he had been nothing but nice to me. And I did like him. Maybe I should give this a shot with him.