𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐋 𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 [ 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 ] ✘

I'm Not Afraid

Note: Click the video above to listen as you read ;)

I'd had these feelings for as long as I could remember. Longer perhaps than I should have. I mean, maybe I should have told him years ago - back at the prison when the feelings had started to make themselves known to me. But now? Now he was older and so was I. We weren't the innocent little teenage kids we used to be.

Merrily we fall out of line, out of line

We had innocents that needed our protection, an apocalypse to survive, and most importantly, a war that needed to be fought. We didn't have time for my silly childish sentiments of having him be my boyfriend and I knew it. I always did.

I'd fall anywhere with you, I'm by your side

That's why I had decided to just keep my mouth shut about the whole thing - let it go. It was best this way. But...if it truly was then...why did he keep haunting my every thought? Every waking moment?

I was the addict and he was the drug. And no matter what, I was always feigning for another high. Just seeing him was enough to make me feel like I was on Cloud 9.

Swinging in the rain, humming melodies

I remember vividly a day when we just walked in the rain together - talking and laughing as we headed back from a supply run.

We're not going anywhere until we freeze

I thought he was going to kiss me that day. In fact, he'd leaned in so close that I could feel his warm breath on my face, tickling my skin. But just as he did, Rick had called us back inside for the night. I had been so cold that he'd given me his jacket, his arm wrapping around my waist as he did. The look in his blue eyes that night had given me shivers up and down my spine, like he knew my feelings already.

I'm not afraid, anymore

But I couldn't be afraid anymore. I had to tell him, he had to know. The attack on the Sanctuary, this show-down with Negan - it was all imminent.

I'm not afraid

Yet...yet Carl still didn't know. It'd been years and he still doesn't know. I was no longer afraid to tell him so...so what was holding me back?

Forever is a long time

My boots guided me to the Grimes household and as I made my way up the front steps, I felt my heart race in my chest. This is all I'd ever wanted but I almost felt like backing out. Like I couldn't form the words once I had him in front of me. But I had wanted Carl Grimes forever.

But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side

But I knew in my heart that I wouldn't mind spending the rest of our days together - right by his side. Like I'd always imagined. Right to the last battle - right to my very last breath. The door swung open then and I bit my lip nervously as my eyes met cerulean blue.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked me, smiling that lopsided smile of his that brought butterflies swarming in my belly.

"I, um, I..." I stuttered, choking on the words before taking a deep breath.

"You okay?" he asked me, concern filling his blue eye as he attempted to usher me inside but I side-stepped him so that he was forced to step out onto the porch with me.

Carefully we're placed for our destiny

I had him now. Right in front of me where we could talk. No one was around and we were completely alone.

You came and you took this heart, and set it free

So why were my palms so sweaty? Why did that one strand of hair keep sticking to the side of my face, threatening to get in my mouth? Gosh, this would happen to me when I finally get him alone-

Suddenly, I heard deep chuckling and glanced up to see Carl laughing at me.

Every word you write or sing is so warm to me

"What?!" I hissed, crossing my arms in mock-annoyance.

"You. You completely spaced out on me," he said between subsiding hiccups of laughter, "What's up?"

I blushed scarlet, looking down at my scuffed, worn boots. I dragged the tip across the wooden floorboards nervously.

So warm to me, I'm torn

"I just...I need to talk to you," I said quietly and he gestured for me to sit down on the porch swing opposite where stood.

I sat down on the old, rickety swing and he come to sit beside me, warmth radiating off him where his jeans leg touched mine.

I'm torn to be right where you are

I took a deep breath as I gazed up into that familiar blue orb and before I had the chance to chicken out again, I did something bold. Leaning forward, I smashed my lips into his. He stilled at first and I thought I'd made a mistake. Pulling back abruptly, apologies tumbled from my lips.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that! I-I'll go, I'll just go now-" I stuttered out, quickly getting up from the porch swing.

I'm not afraid, anymore

A hand latched onto my wrist though and I was brought down onto Carl's lap, his mouth instantly connecting to mine.

I'm not afraid

Butterflies swarmed in my stomach and I kissed him back, our mouths moving in sync perfectly. His hand slid down to rest on my leg and I shivered at the contact. This was it. What I'd always been hoping for. And as he deepened the kiss, my heart soared in my chest. I wasn't afraid anymore to be with Carl Grimes.

He was the one for me. Just as it had always been.