𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐋 𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 [ 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 ] ✘

Dyscalculia

If you have a disability, you'll know what I'm talking about. You know it can be hard at times and it's a struggle. You know you feel different - even though you try hard to fit in, be normal. Some of you hide it, some of you tell it willingly. But no matter what you do...it doesn't change. You still have this thing - this disorder, this disability inside you that makes you different.

Maybe that's why I didn't tell Carl. I didn't want him to know. I didn't want him to see me as different. We'd known each other since the farm actually. It wasn't until the prison that we'd started dating. So I had plenty of chances to tell him.

And at times, it had been hard to keep it hidden - times when I'd get asked to read a clock, go left or right, or even subtract the numbers of food boxed that Negan's men had taken. I'd always just get Aaron to do it, making up some excuses to why I couldn't. The bad thing was that Carl had begun to notice.

There were times when I could feel his blue eye on me as I made up excuses. He knew something was wrong and I could practically see the concern in his gaze. But still, I said nothing. Not until he finally confronted me about it.

"We need to talk," he told me, getting straight to the point.

I frowned, setting the chocolate bar back down on the counter. Carol had asked me to help bake and I'd obliged willingly. Carol had always acted so motherly toward me and I considered her family. Carl grabbed my hand then and led me over to the couch in the living room. He was boring really silent and honestly, it was starting to worry me.

"Carl, what is this about?" I asked finally, breaking the silence between us.

He shifted in his seat to face me and I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.

"What's going on with you? You're hiding something," he said suddenly, surprising me.

"What-what are you talking about? No, I'm not," I defended, dreading what I already knew was coming.

"Yes, you are. I just...you can tell me anything," he said softly, taking my small hands in his larger ones.

His skin was rough but soothing as always as he caressed the back of my hand with his fingertips.

"I...I...I can't," I said, ripping my hand out of his abruptly as I stood up.

I paced over to the window, crossing my arms over my chest as my heart raced. I couldn't tell him - what would he think of me? Would he think I was stupid? Worthless? Messed up? But just as these thoughts raced through my head, I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist, pulling my back against a firm chest. Warmth radiating off his body and I melted into his touch.

"Whatever it is...just know that it won't change how I feel, okay? Nothing you could say would ever make me stop loving you, princess," he said, his words soft as he placed light kisses on my shoulder.

Finally, I turned around in his embrace to face him, feeling slightly self-conscious about the words that were about to tumble from my lips.

"I have...Dyscalculia," I admitted, my words so soft I'm sure he barely heard me.

He frowned in confusion, eyebrows knitting together, "Dys...what?"

I sighed, untangling myself from him as I pulled him over to the couch with me once more.

"Dyscalculia. It's...it's like math dyslexia. It's more complicated than that, though... There are times when I can't tell left from right so that's a lot like Dyslexia. I'm terrible at adding and subtracting, I can't multiply or divide to save my life... And I can't read an analog clock at all - it has to be digital or I can't read it," I explained, my words quiet in the silence that ensued between us.

Slowly, I felt a hand enclose over mine and I glanced up into a clear blue orb.

"Okay then," he said softly, a smile forming on his face.

"Wait, that...that's it? You're not...you don't think I'm stupid?" I asked him in confusion and he shook his head, still smiling.

"Of course not. It makes you who you are...why would I think that's stupid?" he said, his words soft as velvet.

A smile split my face then and I tackled him in a hug as he laughed.

"Thank you, Carl Grimes. Thank you." I whispered in his ear, feeling happier than I had been in a long time.

Note: Dyscalculia is difficulty in learning or comprehending arithmetic, such as difficulty in understanding numbers, learning how to manipulate numbers, and learning facts in mathematics. Estimates of the prevalence of dyscalculia range between 3 and 6% of the population. It isn't a common disability and to most, it's unheard of. This disability NEEDS to be known about more so there can be more research on it. So if you've never heard of it before and read this to learn more, thank you so so much! It's really important to bring more awareness for this little-known branch off of Dyslexia. So thank you to everyone who read this!