𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐋 𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 [ 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 ] ✘

Blurting Questions

Note: OC in this is Enid's sister. I hate this is an Enid GIF but oh, well, couldn't find anything better for this scene lol XD

It had never occurred to me before. Or maybe it had and I had just brushed it aside, pushing the thought completely out of my mind. Maybe I just didn't know want to know the answer. Carl and I were standing, waiting on the others to get across so Tara could lead us to the Oceanside community. They had an arsenal and we needed it - we needed it all. Negan was going down. But to take him down, we needed all the help we could get - people and firepower alike.

My gaze flicked to Carl then. He stood like a statue, weapon in hand with the safety off - ready to be fired when necessary. He was a warrior, a soldier. But over the course of a few months, I realized he was so much more than that. He could be funny and kind. But overall, I had found that I'd developed feelings for this cold, hard boy with the soft interior. I tried not to, knowing it wouldn't work out between us.

That maybe we shouldn't because of the lives we led. In fact...I still hadn't even told him how I felt. It was too scary, too soon. I was just making up excuses, I knew but I couldn't help it. Carl was...everything I'd wanted and more - what if I messed that up? What if I ruined our friendship completely?

It would be all my fault in the end... I let out a long breath as we watched them paddle across the lake, my shoulder brushing Carl's, we were so close. Biting my lip, I glanced up to see him looking back at me with a slightly amused smile gracing his face.

"Nervous?" he teased, arching an eyebrow and I bumped my shoulder against his playfully, ignoring the shock of electricity from merely touching him.

I scoffed, "Of course not, Grimes. I'm just worried about how nervous you're gonna get. A whole community full of women? Do you even know how to talk to any other women besides me, Enid, Maggie, and Michonne?"

Carl snorted, shaking his head at me as he re-adjusted the gun in his hands.

"I've talked to plenty of women, thank you very much," he retorted, sticking his tongue out at me.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, arching an eyebrow before cupping my hands over my mouth, "He's 5 foot 7, 120 pounds of steel, and talked to a whopping total of 5 women in his life. Watch out, ladies!"

Carl snickered at me, grinning playfully as he shoved me lightly, "Shut up!"

I laughed out loud, catching his blue-eyed gaze. His eye was lit up with mirth and a hint of playfulness. But there was another emotion there I couldn't quite put my finger on. The smile faded from my lips as I realized I was staring then. A blush tinted my cheeks but instead of looking away like any normal girl would have done, the question I'd had earlier popped back into my mind and I blurted it out.

"Do you ever think about who you've killed?"

The smile dropped from his face in an instant to be replaced with a look of sadness mixed with resignation. He went silent and for a moment, I thought I'd messed up. That I'd said the wrong thing. But slowly, he began to nod.

"Yeah..." he admitted softly, answering my question as his eye connected to mine.

"I...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that..." I said, feeling embarrassed and ashamed.

I brushed past him quickly before he could say anything and joined Tara who was waiting on the bank. It wasn't long after that that we made it to Oceanside. The woman in charge tried to put up a fight but evidently was overruled. I helped Michonne and Eric load up the weapons as we got ready to leave. After helping them though, Michonne directed me over to help Carl and reluctantly, I obeyed. I really didn't want to have to be near him again so soon.

I'd messed up big time, opening my big, fat mouth about something I had no business asking him. Walking over to him, I avoided his eyes as I helped him lift up a crate full of ammo. It was heavy in my hands as we walked towards the others. Carl trailed behind me, bringing up the rear as he held up his end of the crate. I didn't glance back at him, too ashamed too, I suppose. Why had I even asked that of him?

We'd been friends for a little while now and I had hoped it would develop into something more. That chance was dashed now, though. He probably thought I was nosy for asking...

"It's not just the ones I killed," Carl spoke up suddenly, breaking the silence that formed between us.

Arching my eyebrows slightly in surprise, I glanced back at him to see his gaze on me. He bit his lip, glancing down at the crate briefly before looking back up.

"I think about the people I didn't kill, too..." he confessed and I nodded in understanding.

Slowing down as we neared the pile of goods, we sat the crate down with the others and I turned back around to face him.

"You have a good heart, Carl... I know you did what you had to do," I assured him and he shot me a small, sad smile.

Being bold, I reached up on my tip-toes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

"But thank you for telling me. I'm grateful you felt you could confide in me about it." I whispered to him.

He turned his face so that we were nose-to-nose and I sucked in a sharp breath at our sudden closeness.

"I've never told anyone but you that..." he whispered back softly, his warm breath fanning my face just before he pulled away to go help the others.

A blush crept up my cheeks and I hid behind my hair. Oh, what that boy did to me...