𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐋 𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 [ 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 ] ✘

...To Say Goodbye [Pt. 1]

Everything came back to me in flashes then...all the moments we'd shared in our lives. We'd known each other since we were ten-year-old kids at the camp in the woods. Back when Shane, Dale, Lori, T-Dog, Andrea, Amy, Morales, Glenn, Jim, and Sophia were all still alive. Life had been so good then but I had just been too blind to see just how good...until now. It felt like someone had sucked all the air out of my lungs and I didn't have a clue what to say or do - nothing felt right.

"I-I don't-" I tried to speak, stumbling over the words, "How-"

"Sweetheart, it's all right. It's gotta be...I wasn't sure if you'd make it back before...but just in case, you know I wanted to make sure I was able to say goodbye," he explained weakly, beads of sweat visible on his forehead as he fumbled beside him before picking up a stack of letters to hand to us.

I shook my head in disbelief as I took it from him, my eyes filling with hot tears.

"No... It's them. It's them! They-they don't-... It wasn't-" Rick started to say before Carl cut him off.

"No. I got bit... I was bringing someone back. His name's Siddiq. We saw him at that gas station, before... It wasn't the Saviors," he breathed out, trying to calm his father down as the strength left him, "It just happened...I got bit..."

We could hear explosions still from outside and every one was like a bullet to my heart, shattering it into agonizing fragments with every word that left his mouth. He groaned then as he tried to get comfortable against the wall and slowly, with help from Michonne, we lowered him down onto a cot set up in the corner. Every moment of this felt like being shot in the chest, my insides blasted apart with every ragged breath he took. I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry so hard and so much that it would fill an ocean. But I knew...I had to be keep them at bay. I had to.

So instead I bit back my tears and tried to stay strong for him as I gently moved his head to lie in my lap, fingers running through the dark strands of his hair comfortingly. His blue orb found mine in the darkness as I did and I knew he could tell how much this was hurting me, how hard it was to just suck it up for his sake.

"Is that better?" I asked him, trying to keep my voice level.

He nodded to me slightly, "Yeah. Thanks..."

Suddenly, an explosion went off overheard and I clamored to shield Carl from the quickly falling debris. But the dirt cloud that followed got in his airway anyway and he began to hack violently.

"Water! Give him water!" I demanded before someone brought me a cup filled with the cool liquid.

Holding back the onslaught of tears that threatened to take me over, I helped him take a drink.

"Easy. You got it? Slowly, slowly..." I whispered, stroking his hair lovingly.

Finally after he was done, he sighed, lying his head back in my lap. My fingers continued to glide through strands of his hair and he hummed in thanks, making me crack a smile through the blur of tears in my eyes. Gently, I pressed a loving kiss to his hair. But once I'd glanced back up, his gaze met mine and I caressed his cheek with my fingertips briefly.

"You okay?" I asked him quietly, my voice sounding foreign in my ears.

"I don't want you to be sad after this," he said finally, his words soft in the darkness.

Hot tears filled my eyes in that instant, "Carl-"

"Or angry... You're gonna have to be strong. For my dad. For Judith. For yourself," he interrupted, his hand finding mine in the dark.

"I will," I promised him, my voice breaking with emotion.

"Don't carry this... Not this part," he ended in a whisper, tears filling his own blue eye, "You've always been my best friend,"

I let out a half-sob, half-chuckle at his words, smiling down at him, "You're mine, too... You're mine,"

I grabbed his hand then, bringing it up to my mouth to press a kiss to his knuckles. And as I did, I let my eyes squeez shut so hard it hurt, praying to God for the strength to make it through this.