Ji Eun

Chapter Sixty Five

I was feeling lonely in this house, Jimin was sleeping, Changmin was working in Japan, I had no one to talk to, I slept then woke up again to complete silence. I went to check on Jimin and then went to make myself some coffee, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I fished it out of my pocket and answered Sarah, my manager.

"Ji Eun"

"Yes, unnie?"

"Jonghyun is....."

"Jonghyun? What hapenned?" I asked as my heart started beating faster and faster, the worse scenarios appeared in my head but I brushed them off.

"Jonghyun is......dead" She said those words and my mug of coffee hit the cold hard ground.I couldn't believe what she said, I wasn't in the mood for one of her usual sick jokes.

"Sarah, if you are trying to prank me, this is not the way to do so" I warned but sheonly sighed as a response. So, this was real? He really is gone.

"Come to the hospital" She said and gave me the adress of the hospital, I didn't even think twice about it, didn't even change out of my pajamas, I put on my coat and dressed Jimin then went to the garage. i put him in his seat and climbed as fast as I could in the driver's seat. I dropped him off at my parents's house and droveoff to the hospital. 

Once I got there, Lee Soo Man teacher was there as well with Minho and Jonghyun's family. I looked at Minho and he came running to me and hugged me, he cried and cried but I didn't because I still couldn't believe it.

He was still in the ICU from what I heard, I kept holding Minho who was crying his heart out. My eyes were dry because my mind was blank, the doctor walked out of the room and looked at us and then to the floor.

"I'm sorry!" 

Those words hit me out of nowhere, I finally was hit with the harsh truth that Jonghyun has really left us to a better place, my best friend, the man I trusted more than anyone has left us. Those two words made my world instantly turn black and I collapsed.

I woke up in the hospital's room and looked at Lee Soo Man who sat next to the bed I was laying on, I looked at him and then I just bursted out crying and crying. I felt mesirable, I felt devastated and totally crushed knowing that I would never see him again, hear his voice or smile again.

I called Changmin because I really needed to talk to him now or else I don't what would I do with my broken self.

"Changmin, he is gone. My best friend is gone. Please tell me this is all a dream, and I am gonna wake up soon? Please" I spoke and he sighed.

"Baby, Jonghyun is an angel now, he is happy and is a better place" 

"He didn'tget to see Jimin, I wanted them to meet" I sobbed. "Baby, be strong. You need to be strong, for him, for me and for Jimin. Jonghyun is our brother and we will always remember him" He assured me but I only cried harder.

"Will you be back?" I asked and he sighed. "Avex didn't want to cancel our schedules, so we still have to film for a show but I will be back surely to pay my respects to him"

"I love you, I will always be here for you, you know that?"

"I know, and I will always be there for you as well"

The next day, I went to the hall where his memorial would be held, I went with Taeyeon unnie who was totally broken, I got inside to bow to him one last time and upon seeing his casquette and his smiling face on the picture, I lost it. I fell to the ground, cried and screamed my heart out. My manage and my bodyguards held me but I couldn't control my emotions, they had to physically carry me out of the room because I just was in a very broken state mentally to even walk straight.

Changmin and Yunho came, they payed their respect, Changmin came over to where I was sitting with taeyeon and Sunny. I hugged him as tight as I could, I didn't care about the cameras that recorded and took pictures of us, I just wanted him to hold me at the moment, I just needed a hug.

The official funeral would be held on the 21th of December and I am truly not ready to say goodbye to him, who would sing Starlight with me again? Who would shower me with advice and who would I listen to on the radio every night now that he is gone? 

I just wanted to tell him that he did good, he was an amazing friend, a great artist who fought for people's happiness but no one did the same for him. I hope his death would be a lesson to all of us and to all of the people who take mental issues as something funny or something unreal and not entirely important.

Me and Changmin went back to pick Jimin and go to our house, I sat with my family in the living room, each time glancing at each one of them, I showered them with kisses and told Changmin just how much I love him and Jimin. Because I realised today that you could lose your loved ones in the blink of an eye.

I decided to sing Jimin to sleep and started to sing "Breath" the song that Jonghyun had written for me. Tears welled up in my eyes as Changmin cried silently beside me while the little angel in my arms smiled while his eyes were closed. His uncle Jonghyun will now look after him.