h a r r y
I always mess everything up. I knew I shouldn't have gone out and gotten drunk. I know it's a good distraction, but it causes even more problems. It always does. Now she doesn't think I'm good enough to be a father, and that's not right. I know what I did wrong, but she won't listen knowing that I'm drunk. She can't get rid the baby, that's not right. I have a say in this too, right?
Before I went on vacation, I promised her that I'd always be there for her, no matter what. I'm starting to think it's time to take another vacation, she said she needed space. But I can't do that, I won't leave her alone. Once again, I need to prove that I'll do anything for her.
I stare at the broken glass on the floor, not feeling bad about making a mess. I should break some more, it's better to take my anger out on a glass bottle than on another person. A person that I love and would do anything for.
I can tell I'm starting to sober up a bit, my thoughts aren't as violent as they were before, if you don't count smashing glass violent.
I hear quick steps coming down the stairs and over to me. Lexi must have heard the glass. She can't be that mad at me if she came downstairs to see what happened.
"What the hell, Harry?" I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I have a feeling she's going to yell at me, I wouldn't blame her if she broke up with me for being an asshole and ignoring her. I deserve it. The right thing to do is apologize, then there's still a chance she won't be mad at me, unless her hormones take over again.
"I'm sorry, I'll clean it up." I say quietly. "I know what I did was wrong. I was just trying to give you your space like you told me to, but as I always do, I messed everything up. I don't blame you if you hate me right now."
She puts her hands on my shoulders and turns me around slowly. When I see her, it looks like she was crying recently. It must have been when she was in the bedroom. I hate being the reason she cries, it hurts. She looks into my eyes as one of her hands finds mine.
"You can't keep running off because you're having a hard time or upset, you should talked to me." When did I tell her I was upset? Is it that obvious? "I know I said I needed some space, but that didn't mean you had to go out without telling me where you were going, you could have left a note or texted me. How do I know you weren't with another girl?" She continues talking but I'm stuck on her question. Another girl? Really?
"Is that really what you think of me? That I would go out and cheat on you with other girls? Especially while you're carrying my child?" If you think that, then you're wrong. I would never do that." I bite my lip trying to keep in what I was about to say. Let her think I'm a cheater, because if she thinks I'm really that low, it's her problem. I know what the truth is.
I can't sit around this house all day when I don't have a job. Well, I did have a job. But I'll let her think what she wants. It's my life, and her thoughts. I can't do that to her, but there are other ways I can distract myself.
