h a r r y
"I'm not having the baby."
Those words hit me hard. Of course I'm upset, what other possible feelings are there when your girlfriend tells you that she's not going to have your baby? In a way, it hurts.
I'm not sure what I thought her decision would be, I kind of thought that it would be that she's going to keep the baby. There's always another time, maybe then we'll be ready.
I have to think of something to say as an answer, I can't just sit here silently. I stare at my hands and nod slowly.
What a stupid idea, why the hell would someone nod when their girlfriend says they're not having their baby!? I mentally slap myself, knowing I did the wrong thing, but I still don't know what to say. Think, Harry, think.
"Do you..still need to..?" I start, unable to think of a way to word my question.
"If what you're asking is do I still need to go to the doctors, then no. I did it yesterday." Yesterday. While I was at the damn bar. Of course. She probably did this because of me.
"It's because of me isn't it? Because you think I'm not ready to be a father? If you want a baby, I'll give you a baby. This is all my fault, I just didn't want you to think.." I stop rambling, burying my face in my hands. I need to get out of here, without her thinking I'm upset about this. It may seem like I'm upset, but I'm just acting like it so I don't look strange acting happy or emotionless.
"Harry, it's not your fault. I'm not ready for this. And there will always be other times we can try...." She says softly and I stand up. "Harry." I walk over to the front door and open it. "Just what I expected, I'd give up the baby because I thought we weren't ready and you walk out."
"Can I just have some time alone to process this?" I look at the her, and watch as she stands up from the couch.
l e x i
I felt bad, I didn't want him to think its his fault. I should've talked to him first. It's just that neither of us are ready, and there's always other times. This wasn't even planned, anyway, so shouldn't he be relieved?
I walk over to him and look up into his eyes. They're dark, the complete opposite of the bright green that they usually are. They're normally filled with happiness, and now they just look hurt.
"This is in no way your fault, I promise. This was a choice I made thinking it would benefit both of us. We're still young, we should have of fun before we settle down. There's always other chances a few years from now when we're ready. I don't know about you, but I want to be with you. I just want you to know that you're not to blame for my decision.
When I think about my future, I see me, you, and our happy family. I don't want to be with anyone else, Harry. I want you. I just don't want a baby right now." He leans his forehead against mine lightly. "Okay?" I smile, lacing my fingers with his. He nodded slowly and a small smile appeared on his face. Whether it's real or not, I don't know. I just need to know that he's not going to leave here angry and end up drinking again.
He moved his head down a bit to kiss me. His hands pull out of mine and slide to the back of my legs, lifting me up. I slide my arms around his neck, and pull away slightly, receiving a frown from Harry.
"What's wrong?" He looks at me and I shake my head.
"Nothing, I was just thinking we could go out and do something, like take a walk together. We haven't done that in a while." He nods.
"Of course, whatever you'd like to do." He kisses my cheek, letting me down.
I smile, grabbing his hand again and walk outside, closing the door behind us. We start walking down the street, not knowing or caring what our destination is, just as long as we're together we'll be happy.
