Telepathic Heart (GxG)

30. I fed her lies

Willow holds me by the hand as she drags me into her home. I don't know what I am about to face, to hear from the girl that my heart has chosen. I still don't understand why I dream about her every night. 

It's become a regular thing for me now, seeing her every night in my sleep. But I didn't imagine seeing her every day in the light of day. For a year, I had seen her in my dreams, and it was driving me insane.

Then I met her, and I found Willow. The girl in my dreams. She was just as beautiful as I pictured her. Even more than that. She might be hard to get through, but still, my feelings for her are endless, just like space. 

"Sit down," Willow says lightly with a small smile on her face, and I do as I am told. I put my butt down on the couch, waiting as she wanders into the kitchen. 

"You want something to drink or eat?" She asks.

"I would like some tea," I say, and she watches me strangely. 

"What? It's cold, and I like tea." I shrug.

"Okay." She nods, and I listen to her, preparing the warm water and finding a cup for me. 

A few moments later, she arrives with my tea, and I thank her as I take the warmth into my hands. Willow sits down next to me, seeming very unsure about what to do and what to say.

"You want me to start?" I ask, finally making eye contact with her. She nods, seeming relieved. "Okay." I lay my hand over hers and take hold of it before I start telling her everything that has happened at school, the building, the guy, everything that comes to mind.

Where it all started, who and what has happened through time. It's hard for me to say all of this to her. It's quite embarrassing. Willow looks at me with worried and sad eyes. 

"You should have told me, Harley. I could have helped you, you know." She sighs sadly.

"I know. I'm just too stubborn, thinking I could do this on my own." I shake my head at how stupid I can sometimes be.

"It's going to be okay, Harley, we can fix this." She smiles at me, squeezing my hand in hers. Her words and her smile makes me feel safe, even protected. I should have told her right away. Walking around like the way I did is not good. I'm not alone. 

"I'm sorry, I couldn't find myself to tell you," I say.

"It's okay, I understand, I really do." Willow pulls me in for a hug, but I don't think it was just for my contact. I could see her tearing up as if she was about to cry.

"What's wrong?" I wonder, concerned as I push her back from me, seeing that she is not okay. 

"I'm sorry." She only says, which worries me a lot.

"Willow, why are you apologizing?"  I question, very confused.

"For the way I have treated you. You deserve someone more stable and someone who can make you happy." She cries, surprising me completely. 

"Willow, I am confused; I don't understand." 

"Do you know what the worst feeling in the world is?" She asks me, tearful, but I shake my head.

"The worst feeling in this whole world is not to be able to protect the one you love the most."   Watching her cry makes almost my tears want to come out. 

"The feeling of being helpless, useless for the one you love." She cries.

"What are you talking about, Willow?" I wonder, terrified now. 

"I watched my wife die for a year, and I couldn't do anything about it," Willow's eyes are wide with tears, staring straight forward, but I don't think she is here anymore. 

"I was married to the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. We knew each other since we were five, we were best friends. Until we realized that we were more than that," Tears are falling down her cheeks like drops of rain.

"We were both fourteen when we realized it, I loved her, and she loved me. At the age of eighteen, we got married, but two years after that, she got sick," Willow closes her eyes, and more drops of tears flow down her cheeks. 

"For a year, I watched cancer taking away her life, doctors trying everything they could to help her. Giving her pills, going through operations, and seeing them sticking needles into her endlessly." Willow says, but then she starts laughing, not a laugh when you see someone fall on their faces, but a sarcastic one.  

"And what did I do? I told her everything was going to be okay, while it wasn't. I told her we were going to grow old together,  that one day we would have children. I fed her lies." She says so angrily to herself.

"Willow, calm down," I whisper, holding her face in my hands while leaning my forehead on hers. 

"She was much stronger than me, even when she was sick. Every time we got bad news, she was the one that kept me together. The last thing she told me was to find someone who could make me happy. Someone, so I wouldn't be alone, that was her wish. I think her knowing that I was going to be alone for the first time in my life was what killed her the most." Willow dries her face with the sleeve of her shirt. 

"One night, I had a dream. A dream about you and ever since I have had that dream." She watches me with her sad eyes as she lays her hand on my cheek.

"When I woke up, she wasn't breathing.  She was gone; our future was gone. I was left with everything, except her." Willow takes a deep breath.

"I was left with a house, a bed, which was empty, cold, and quiet. I was alone for the first time in my life." The hurt, the pain in Willow's voice, is destroying me.

"I'm so sorry, Willow," I tell her, but what do that help. Just as she said, feeling helpless is a horrible feeling. I don't know what to do to make her, okay, to make her pain go away. 

"What was her name?" I ask, at least trying to make it okay.

"Haven." She sobs.

"You named your restaurant after her,"  I say, and she nods.

"She wanted me to go for my dream, and I did. For her." She tells me and takes away the single tear that went down her face. 

"I have done everything she wanted me to do, expect her last wish, which is you, Harley." We both lock eyes with each other, staring for a moment in silence. 

"It can't be a coincident that we are both having the same dream; I mean, at least I think so." She says, seeming thoughtful. Her words are confusing me a little. 

"You mean we are connected somehow?" I ask, but Willow shrugs.

"I don't know. There is a lot about this world I don't know."