THE BABY MILL [[{SHINee}]]

THE BABY MILL [[21]] ABORTION

When the time came for TaeMin to transfer rooms, they shouldn't have been surprised by it. It was a logical enough conclusion to their make belief escapades and there had been plenty of hints to warn them. Although they'd already exchanged much banter between themselves in the times when they weren't sleeping, they were still saddened to part from each other. Sure, a curtain barrier had eventually been placed between them but by then their acquaintance had already been building and they didn't need to look at each other's faces to keep up with their chats. 

Their lives before the institution was still a big mystery to them and they never revealed the truth behind their rollercoasters of emotions, but the bond had been fabricated. And as it had been, it had begun custom for TaeMin to wait upon Onew so that they could converse and vice versa. They'd grown into the pattern of tugging the curtain to let the other know when they were awake and if he received a tug in response - or a voice - they knew what was happening.

But when the nurse came in to change the bag on Onew's IV pole and he heard that he was being moved TaeMin took it with an air of sadness...

He had wanted to make his last moments with Onew to be full of conversation (even if he was still timid about voicing words), but he was still asleep and his tired body wasn't able to keep him conscious for extended periods of time.

Much later, after a dream filled with yellow grass reeking of gasoline and smoke, TaeMin awoke. His sleepy head was still hazy and so it took him awhile to notice that the curtain was jiggling, bouncing up and down frantically as it waited for an answer. Using the reserve of energy he had just fueled up on, the young boy reached out and steadied the curtain with a small pull. The rings holding it up shifted slightly and formed a small gap at the beginning of pole, just wide enough for TaeMin to see the half lidded eyes of Onew. They held a smile in them that he assumed his lips were too weak to form.

"Y-you're awake," TaeMin whispered, stifling a yawn. 

Onew had to pass his tongue over his lips several times before he could choke out a response of his own. From then on it was easy to sustain the conversation as they'd already familiarized themselves with the awkward spans that sometimes intefered with their talks. TaeMin listened intently to what the elder had to say and enjoyed the total attention he received when he spoke, no matter how insignificant the things he said were. 

To himself, he was thinking of all the times before the curtain when he'd seen Onew trembling and shivering under his blanket. When he'd broken out into massive sweats and whimpered, cried, screamed even in his sleep... There had been so many times he'd seen the IV rip out of his hand from his flailing and twitching so much. He'd probably done the same things, not that he'd ever be able to tell for sure what he did in his sleep. 

In the midst of remembering his mind drifted off to ways he could approach the subject of his transfer, since he wasn't sure if he had been awake when he'd heard it. Eventually though, he began to notice that the pauses in their conversation were getting longer and he knew that Onew was growing suspicious and maybe a bit worried. He couldn't beat around the bush any longer...

After inhaling deeply, TaeMin said, "They're moving you..."

Whatever it was that Onew had been prepared to say died in his throat as he gaped at his roommate through the curtian's gap. A cut that had formed on the corner of his mouth opened up again, but his lips were so dehydated that no blood as able to ooze out. Enflamed red skin puffed out of the edge of the flaps that had been keeping it hidden. TaeMin locked his eyes on that sore, tracing the contour since he was unwilling to focus his attention on reality.

"Why?" Onew asked, confirming once and for all that he had indeed been dozing when this information had been slipped.

The young boy shrugged, clueless to what went on in the doctor's head.

Bloated silence filled every available space like that expandable styrofoam product TaeMin had seen a handyman use once when he was fixing something on the playground at school. Neither boy knew how to break it this time... If TaeMin were to keep honest, he didn't much want to shatter it either. If these were to be his final moments with the other boy than no words should impure the air. Sometimes, the best form of comfort is silence, his adopted mom had once told him.

He couldn't imagine living without Onew anymore... Albeit, he'd been doing it for a long time, but now that he'd grown comfortable with him it was hard to let go. He provided a form of encouragement to him. His mere presence in the room allowed him to relax the tiniest of bits. To be able to hear him breathing at all hours, to see their chest rise and fall with each breath... When he had been able to see that matted, sweaty hair each time his eyes opened it gave him that extra serving of hope that he needed in order to persevere through the hell fires. Because he knew he wasn't alone.

Fear gripped tightly onto TaeMin. Who knew if he was ever going to see another boy again? He wouldn't be able to survive on the visits of the employees alone. Plus, they werent' willing to give him tips on how to reduce the pain in his back when the baby-thing decided to act up. They wouldn't want to tell him how to keep his arms moving as much as he could to prevent htem from swelling too much. They wouldn't tell him anything except maybe to stop whimpering and get on his feet so they could go to the examination room. Nothing that spewed out of their big gobs would aid him in anyway. He would be alone again; victim to the weakness in his body and the horrors in his head...

A sheen of cold sweat glazed TaeMin's body. Soon the blankets grew soaked by his perspiration. 

Stress couldn't have been bettering his condition, but sometimes he couldnt' help but give in to the urges of life. He didn't want to return to isolation. He needed the communication! He needed the contact with people that were in the same boat as him! This was like a support group - his stay in the medical wing - where he was able to sympathize with other. How would he continue? The oxygen he needed to for air was being filtered, forcing him to gag on his own tonsils as he heaved uncontrollably. He needed this like water - like life - like, like, like, like...

"Try to leave," Onew whispered.

TaeMin exhaled the breath he had been holding in and twisted his head t olock his gaze onto the other man, taking care to move slowly so as to not jolt the mountain building on his abdomen.

"Whatever you do," he continued, "try to get out of here."

There was no way that TaeMin could respond to that. No questions could be asked, not even a simply 'Why?' would suffice, and nor was there any statement to make... He simply squeaked a small 'okay' of agreement and fell back into silence.

That was the first time that he felt a piece of his old self reattach onto his "new body". There was a spark of hope that he knew would never be ignited into a full blown flame, but it was there nonetheless. Waiting in hibernation for someone to come and feed it the ingredients it needed to grow into a bouquet of dancing fire. Maybe his donor would be the one...

Funny... One spark of hope and suddenly he was become a dreaming air head. There was no room for hopes and dreams here. He was doomed to bathe in the boiling water of hell for eternity.

As if to contradict his words, TaeMin's baby pushed delicately against the inside of his womb; one foot in front of the other in three, tiny steps.

Keep going, it seemed to be trying to say.

TaeMin would have been lying if he'd said he'd enjoyed the sensation of his child moving, but it wasn't unpleasant. And when he looked back at Onew, catching a quearter of his face, his inkling of hope was partially rejuvinated. 

He might not be able to leave physically, but he could always dream.