Love isn't judged by Appearance

Chapter 19 Part one

So before The chapter starts!!! I wanna say that it has Sexual context In it! Thanks to Miss GiamoniCooper! Go check her work out if you haven't already! She's a great writer!& very cool person!! So once again Thank you Gia :) I also wanna say thank you to everyone who has voted become a fan or commented! I love you all!!!:) well here's The chapter! It's been a week since the miscarriage. I've been a total wreck. My dad doesn't know whether he should be pissed at Zavian or me,and since the miscarriage and Zavian basically leaving me. I've had this fuck off attitude. I don't know what's wrong with me. Like the other day I blew up on my dad. He deserved it though.. He was all " I can't believe you had sex without a condom. That's ridiculous. I thought I knew you better! Did that boy force you?!" That shit set me on edge. I just blew up," Nigga what you mean you know me better!! You haven't been in my life at all! You bullshitting! You didn't use one either apparently because Kevin and I are here! And no he didn't force me. I did it willingly. You want me to tell you the story?!" He got so mad at me. He almost kicked me out,but my mama was all like " honey she's stressed." Man I don't feel stressed. I feel different. It's like I've stepped outside of myself. I'm glad my mama took up for me though. I would've had nowhere to stay. Zavian hasn't talked to me since he left the hospital. I think he's the reason I'm feeling like this. In my mind I see him as a sorry ass nigga for leaving me in the hospital after miscarrying his damn child. No I mean our child! At the hospital I could feel his pain. I took pity on him, but now I don't even care anymore. He probably don't care either. Yeah he really is the reason why I'm like this. Kevin has gotten over what I said to him. I still kinda feel bad because Kevin has always been there for me, and I did that to him . He's changed over the past year. Every since he found out about Courtney and the abortion he's changed. I mean big time. Courtney said he won't even have sex with her and when he kisses her. His kisses seem fake and forced. So maybe his love for her has dwindled... Speaking of love dwindling. I wonder if Zavian and I if our love is dwindling. He's been my first everything. What if this is a test. I keep telling myself that I don't care anymore, but deep inside I do. I'm scared though. What Zavian did was out of line. I don't want to lose him, but maybe I already have. Because honestly to me no real man does that to the woman he loves, but hey I've never really experienced love this is my first love. I've grown close to him. He graduated this year and I became a junior. We've been through too much together.. There's a knock on my door. " Who is it?"

"Me." That's not the voice that I think it is.

"Who?"

"Genesis it's me." I can't believe this.

"What do you want?"

"I wanna talk." How did he even get In the house. My mama must have let him in. I wonder what he wants to talk about. He just opens the door. When he walks In I narrow my eyes at him.

"Zavian what do you want." I'm looking at him now, And I realize how much I miss him. My Fuck off attitude comes back In though. He sits on the edge of my bed.

"Look I wanna-"

"Shut up Zavian! What you did to me was straight up wrong! Wrong as hell!! Still can't believe you would do some shit like that to me. You're probably wondering why I'm cussing all of a sudden! Well it's all because of your ass!!!! Damn Zavian it wasn't my fucking fault!" He looks at me. His hazel eyes softening as he sees the tears stream down my face. He leans In And with his thumb wipes some of the tears away. I swat his hand away. " Zavian don't do this!! Not right now..." I then say the same words that he said to me. " I'm not In the right state of mind." My eyes narrow at him. Tears still coming out of them. He takes my hands In his And kisses them. I try to yank them away but he just grips them tighter.

"Baby I deserve everything that you're saying to me. I really do. I understand that,but I'm sorry." He pauses looking at me straight In the eyes. He opens his Mouth to speak again but, I butt in." You're right Zavian. That was a "hoe move" as you And your boys say. "