Just a College Girl (girlxgirl) (Book 2)

Fallen Soldiers

I don't know.

My fingers dig into my scalp just a little bit as I run my hands through my hair in a desperate attempt to feel something close to good.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel. And I don't know who to turn to. No one feels safe anymore. They all just wanna tell me what THEY want for me, instead of what I want for me. None of them want to listen to what I have to say. They don't care what I think or what I want. How can I tell them how I think and feel when I need them if they don't care?

I've spent so much time coming to them when I need them and turning to them for comfort when things got bad and now I find out that none of it actually meant a thing to any of them. Buffy keeps talking like what I say and feel matters, but the only thing that's ever on her mind is how my future's gonna turn out.

She only thinks about whether I'm gonna get into a good school and have a good future. Whether I'll get away from all the demons and vampires and death that come with living this way and have my normal life. She doesn't care about the fact that I don't want a normal life. I don't want to be like everyone else and ignore what's out there every night. She just wants me to get away from it all, whether I want to or not. How can I turn to someone who thinks like that?

And now... Faith thinks like that too. She doesn't care about what I want or feel. It doesn't matter to her that I'd happily give up any chance at a normal life if we could be together for however long we're both alive. Why doesn't she understand that? She's supposed to. She's supposed to be the one that's different. The one that doesn't think like everyone else and supports me in whatever I want to do. But she's not. She's not anything like I thought she was. She's just like all the others. I can't turn to her with my problems if she's just like everyone else... if she doesn't even try to see my point of view.

But if I can't turn to her... who can I turn to?

The ringing of the phone forces out a breath I've been keeping in for the last little while and the sound makes me wanna punch something.

Not again... why can't she just take a hint?

Only about four rings happen before they stop and I know exactly what's happened. I can't hear what's being said, but I can hear Buffy's voice in the other room, talking. It isn't long before I hear a soft knock on my door and I look up to see Buffy opening it and leaning in enough to see me.

"Hey Dawn... do I even have to tell you who's on the phone for you?"

She's called at least once every hour for the past couple hours since I left. Why would I?

"I don't wanna talk to her."

"Yeah, I think I got that the first 30 times you said it. But I really think you should talk to her this time. I actually managed to get her to tell me that she's really, really, really sorry for what she did, whatever it is that she won't tell me about. And that she'd really, really, really, REALLY like to tell you that with her own voice if you'll let her."

I'm not exactly in a sharing and working out my problems kind of mood right now.

"I don't want to talk to her. Just tell her to stop calling already."

Buffy sighs heavily.

"Look, Dawn, I don't really know what went on between the two of you after you went over there to talk to her, and I'm not gonna ask since I already did like 10 times and you refused to talk about it 20 times. But I get the impression that the only way that Candy's gonna stop calling is if you actually talk to her, if only for a moment to let her apologize. So maybe you should get it over with now. That's just my first 70 impressions though."