Just a College Girl (girlxgirl) (Book 2)

New Problems

I don't really get it.

Lying on my stomach on the couch of mine and Buffy's living room, I slowly twirl my pencil in my hand for no particular reason, staring down at my math book.

Why am I even bothering with this stuff? It's not like any of this really matters now. School is almost over. There may still be a couple months left, but I've done all my college applications, and my teachers tell me that there isn't really anything I can do now to make my application any better than it is. So... why am I sitting here doing my homework? Why don't I just say 'screw it' and... go screw Faith or something?

I can't do either I guess. Faith and I only just got back together less than a week ago, and I don't want to push my luck and make things awkward with us. We're in a really good place now, but it's a bit different than the way it was before. I don't really know why. Everything seems the same. We do pretty much all the same things we did together before she left me, but it feels a little off somehow.

Faith and I still hang out and make out and make love just about every night we can be together. But somehow, things don't feel right. When I'm in Faith's arms, I don't feel as warm and as safe as I used to. Something about being with Faith doesn't make me feel like the whole world goes away and it's just us anymore. I don't get it. Maybe it's the whole Candy thing, I don't know. What if Faith isn't as okay with it as she said she was? What if she's angry, maybe even hates me for letting it happen?

I don't know what I'd do if that's what's happening. I already hate myself for letting it happen. I don't think I could handle Faith hating me for it too. A couple hours ago I was thinking about the argument Candy and I had the other day about the kiss and it got me so angry that I kinda wished that Candy was around so that I could punch her in the face with every ounce of strength I had, it's too bad that Candy wasn't actually around at the time, otherwise I probably would have done it. She really needs a serious beating for doing that to me. Too bad I know that it'd be totally wrong, even if I could do it myself. I know it would make me feel about a million times better though.

With a frustrated sigh, I brush everything book related off the couch in front of me and flip myself over, laying down on my back and staring up at the ceiling.

Unless that's the problem... maybe the fact that I can't stop thinking about punching Candy in the face for kissing me is what is making things weird with Faith and me. Faith might think that I'm thinking about Candy and thinking I'm thinking about wanting to kiss Candy again... which isn't what I want at all. I don't think of Candy that way. She's a bitch, and a selfish one too. Thinking that I would even THINK of wanting to kiss her when I feel that bad... or EVER even. God it just makes me wanna...

My hand balls up into a fist and I punch the backrest of the couch as hard as I can. Then I slowly relax.

I really hope that she gets her ass kicked by something very soon. As long as she doesn't get seriously hurt or die because of it, I don't think it's such a bad thing to think that way... right? Buffy would probably think so, but I don't really care what Buffy thinks. She doesn't even know that Candy kissed me. She'd just be all judgmental based on what I was thinking, which is totally not fair. Buffy doesn't know the whole story, and I'm not going to tell her because it's none of her business.

Suddenly, I start to hear a key being fumbled into the front door lock and unlocking it and I know who's coming. She opens the door and walks right in.

"Dawn?"

Speaking of my sister...

"Hey Buffy..."