Ghost of a Hero

Lazy Ass Cooper

A knock sounded at my door. I looked up, causing my body to spin uncontrollably in a circle.

"Come in!" I yelled, frantically flailing. So far, in the last hour, I'd managed to turn myself solid twice, and put four dents in a wall. I'd like to say I was making progress, but honestly, I wasn't.

The door swung open, Cooper standing outside. He walked into the house, his long brown hair pulled into a braid. He looked around the house carefully, not spotting me floating behind the sofa.

"Down here!" I called, gaining his attention. He tilted his head to the side.

"How- wait- where's your body?" He asked. "Don't tell me you lost it again!"

"That was one time! I was astral projecting in class, and it got out of hand!" I yelled back.

He sighed, dragging a hand through his brown hair. "You're such an idiot! How did you even get into this mess?"

"Some guy stole my body, I floated into a bedroom, wanted to go home, and accidentally exploded everything? I must say I've done a fairly good job of shitting fuck up."

"You dip shit! Who cares about you exploding house? What's important here is that you're messing up your curses again! It's the other way around! You're fucking shit up!" He turned to whack me with his hand, swiping through my body.

My ghostly body tilted to the side, falling halfway into the floor.

"Oh my god! You can't control your body!" Cooper laughed, stepping away from me. "You're so stupid!"

"I told you, some ass dummy stole it!" I groaned tilting up and floated into the ceiling. I drifted into my room unconsciously. Cooper hurried up the stairs to keep track of me.

"So you weren't joking? Someone actually stole your body? And what do you mean "ass dummy"? Don't tell me you were looking at butts again!" He tossed himself into my beanbag, rolling his eyes.

If I was in a human body, I swear color would have risen to my face.

"Darn, your poker face as a ghost is pretty legit. I was hoping that'd be a yes. Butts are pretty nice. Especially yours." He leaned back, looking at my ceiling.

"I know, right? I saw this pretty nice butt today, thought it was a random person, but guess what? It was my butt! I never knew you had such a nice view when I walked out of a room!" I said sarcastically.

Cooper nodded.

"You little shit of piece! I'll kill you!" I growled, floating to the side.

"We've been over this before Ahsper. It's piece of shit. Not shit of piece. Nothing drives me crazy more than you trying to curse!" Cooper groaned. I smiled.

"So, you just going to stand there? Or are you going to help me learn to control this damn thingy ghost body?" I asked, willing my body to float to Cooper. It drifted in the opposite direction.

Cooper rubbed his chin dramatically, thinking. "You know how when you astral projected, you just had to imagine yourself there, and you went? Maybe it'll work like that."

I growled under my breath, thinking hard.

I wanted to be in the kitchen.

I wanted to be in the kitchen.

"Nothing is happening," I growled to Cooper. For a moment there, I was hoping he'd struck something genius.

"Maybe it needs to be specific?" He shrugged, closing his eyes. "Wake me up when you figure it out."