Desiderium

Achtnunzwandzig

Ira

I am staring again at the symbol that appeared at the back of my hand, the red rose.

It means I am pregnant and the baby inside me is a girl, maybe this is the result when I stay with Raphael in Heaven for months.

I place a hand against my flat tummy and smile, there is another life that is growing within me.

Raziel will be happy when he hear this and Raphael will be excited I am sure.

I get up and smiled widely at the mirror, I rub my flat tummy but sooner there will be a bump here.

I guess I need to prepare again my maternity clothes, I feel giddy all over. I can't wait for them to know that I am having a baby soon.

I fix myself then I went out of my room, Raphael, Gabriel, Nuriel and Raziel. This is such a good news, it's nice to have a pleasant moment for a while.

As I walk along the corridor, I saw a familiar form right ahead of me.

Raphael.

I grinned widely and walk fastly towards him, I saw his form went inside a room, which is the way to the servant's quarters.

I frowned.

What is he gonna do there?

I follow him silently, my heart is beating wildly against my chest and it is like the sound of thunder in my ears.

I don't know why I feel so nervous, I trust him that he won't betray me like what he did to Haniel.

When I reach the way to the servant's quarter, I went inside the tunnel to follow him where he went.

I noticed a room that has an open door, I guess that's Matilde's room?

Vampire's senses are always fully alert, so what is this moaning and murmuring voices that I hear?

Every step I made is bringing me to the every possible images I created in my mind, the sounds are getting louder and the corner of my eyes are getting stingy.

I guess that's not him right? I trust him.

My feet brought me into the small gape of Matilde's room, I reach out to open it slightly and the scene before me is the most awful things I've ever seen in life.

I covered my mouth in shock as I feel my small frame shaking in rage and sadness.

There I saw, my fiancee on top of a maid and from where I am right now, I can hear their exchanging sounds of moan and groan.

I feel like my chest was about to explode, so before he finds out I am here, I need to go away quickly.

I sighed shakily as I remember that scene, it is nauseating and I am trying to forget those images.

I arrived at my private garden, where the roses of Fianna that I culture has been growing nicely. Everytime I feel down, this is the place where I can find my solace.

I sit on the bench and stare at the tombstone before me, a couple of roses surrounding the black marble stone.

My eyes are getting teary again, I clutch my hand on top of my lap and let the tears fall.

This is too much, I have been betrayed and defiled, I thought I'll eventually find happiness but I guess that's too far fetched.

I let the tears fell from my eyes as I hug myself, it hurts so much. Now I understand what Haniel told me, I should be careful enough to trust him that much.

If he did it with Haniel, what is the assurance that he won't be doing it again?

I keep on crying infront of Diarmuid's tombstone, his body is not burried here but I made a special memento mori for him.

I guess I am really unlovable to the extent that my wedding day is approaching and you saw your fiancee fornicating with one of your kitchen servants.

I guess I am just another warm body for him and now he is bored so he---

"Ira! Please listen to me!" I stiffened at the sound of his voice calling.

I saw him marching towards me, he has bruises and his lower lip is cut.

I frowned "Wh-what happened to you?" I get up from the bench and he hugged me tightly.

Is this all an act?

I squirmed in his arms and trying to push him away, but he just tightened his hug and he bury his face in the crook of my neck.

I shuddered at the feeling of his breathe against my skin, I am getting weak and I eventually stopped pushing him away.

But I was completely baffled when he kneeled right in front of me while he is still hugging me around my waist and he is burrying his face on my stomach.

I sighed "Raphael get up." I tried to pry his arms away but his grip is too strong.

He shake his head and he lift his face, his eyes are misty and he is actually crying.

I sighed shakily and I wipe his tears away "Why are you doing this to me? Am I not enough for you?" I can't hide the crack from my voice and I am starting to cry again.

He shake his head "You don't understand, that's not me. I am staying with Gabriel, Raziel and Nuriel in Heaven, I am preparing for our wedding."

I grit my teeth slightly "Please don't lie to me, I saw everything. That was you."

He shake his head frantically "No! You know I cannot do that to you! I love you so much Ira. Please don't leave me." He burry his face again on my stomach and he sob, his shoulders are shaking and I can feel the fabric of my dress getting wet by his tears.

I sighed as I run my fingers against his hair softly "Raphael, please, I forgive you but don't lie to me."

He tighten his arms around my waist "There is nothing to forgive and to lie because I am telling the truth. That's not me."

"He is telling the truth Ira." Bedivere walks in with Raziel, Gabriel and Nuriel behind him.

I frowned "Are you taking his side now?"

"Be rational! You should know there is something amiss here." Bedivere snapped at me.

I keep quiet, everytime he uses that tone, he is already pissed.

"Listen, I just learned a demon has infiltrated the castle's magic wards. There is a high chance that demon shapeshifted into Lord Raphael."

Gabriel nodded in agreement "He has been with us for days, we are pretty busy planning and we decided to visit you and have a overnight stay here."

I cannot wrap it all around my head and my eyesight is getting blurry.

The next thing I knew is that I can hear all their voices calling me but I let myself succumb into the darkness.
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A/N: Because my OCD is kicking in, 3 updates today!