Endless (The Drug Lord's Wife #4)

Loved and Lost

Chapter 1

Adam

"Sweetie, let's try and get out of bed. Get a little sunlight", My mother said padding my head.

I had to tell Jennifer's parents in person about Mexico. I completely broke Yvonne. I never hear that kind of screaming. I broke her and felt like shit. I wanted Yvonne  to have  the rosary Jennifer got her.  Ken rightfully so, kicked my ass and threw me out of their house. It didn't get any easier when I had to tell my family what happened too.

I came back to Main House empty and hollow. I locked myself in our room.

No, my room.

I was going to end up like Rodger--- fucked up. I never dipped into hard drugs, but I was close to going so. Weed wasn't cutting and cigarettes didn't help take the edge off.

I laid in bed, on my back, looking over to Jennifer's side. Only three weeks, have passed since that day. But I swear, I feel like I've lived a lifetime, somehow full of love that ultimately ended in lost. I wanted to be left alone.

No, death would be better.

Sitting on the edge of my bed my mother ran her fingers through my unkempt hair,"Adam please?"

I didn't want to do anything.

"Okay, if you change your mind or want something, let me know. I'll check on you later this evening". My mother stood and and walked to the door, pausing briefly to look back at me,"It will get better in time". I haven't let go of the ring I gave Jennifer. She literally shoved it in my hand with her dying breaths. I was squeezing it in my hand at the moment. Remembering that scene.

I existed, that I walked beside you for one moment.

I don't want to hear that," Just go", I said. I knew Celine was just trying to help, but there was nothing she could do to help. There was nothing I could do to help myself or Jennifer.

Reluctantly, my mother left; shutting the door softly behind her.

I took another hit of weed, ready for the pain in soul to go away. Even though I knew it was doing nothing but helping me hide from my failure. I turned my head and  stared up at the ceiling.

"Hey, let me in", why won't people go away? I remained silent, "Well, I'm coming in anyways". Ever since the container tipped over, I started getting really bad headaches. I could feel one coming on.

I didn't have the energy to fight with Gamila or anyone for that matter. Why was she here anyway? She walked to my bedside,"You look like shit. Get up and showered", she said.

I remained silent.

"How long are you going to mope around? Because, your family still needs you. You don't get to shutdown for days without everyone feeling the consequences. Your depressed, fine. Take a pill and get over it", I was going to turn into a woman beater too if Gamila didn't shut up,"Jennifer helped you make this empire the success it is. You're not honoring her memory or any of the countless sacrifices she made; by letting it all go to hell".

"Go away", I said feeling the high kick in.

"No! I'm not going to baby you. We've all lost someone, but we all don't get the luxury of shutting down. Life still has to go on without the Phillip's, Mira's and Jennifer's of the world. I know, your hurt. Trust me, I know the pain, but you still have get up every morning and try. Yeah, it's going to hurt like hell. It's going to hurt for a long time until it doesn't. But, you don't get to walk away, you don't get to lock yourself in your room and you don't get to shut down on your family".

I sat up.

"Now, what do you need?" She asked softening her tone.

Food. I don't remember the last time I ate, but I was definitely feeling fatigued. I got out of bed grabbing my cigarettes and walked pasted Gamila into the hallway.

I existed, that I walked beside you for one moment.

Jennifer's words echoed in my mind. I walked beside her for one moment.

I walked to the kitchen,"I don't want to plan a funeral" I heard Michael say

"Don't worry you're not", when did Dani get here? "There is no body to bury", I walked to the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice and drink from the carton.

"Still, you don't think she deserves a burial; some kind of ceremony?" Dani said.

"She deserves to be alive", I said walking into the pantry and pulling out a bag of cereal. I was ready to head back to my room. But, Dani blocked me in with sad eye she spoke,"Adam, even if the coffin is empty you don't think you need the closure? Don't we all need it?"

"Move Dani", she did not,"Putting an empty box in the ground isn't going to do anything", I said moving her out of the way. I headed back to my room and she follow behind me.

"What you're doing isn't healthy. Are you just going to drink yourself to death? Or constantly stay high?" Yeah, I was until my  body gave out and I was dead. I shrug my shoulders.

I walked into my room and threw the bag of cereal and orange juice on the nightstand. Then, I threw myself on the bed.

Standing over me she said,"Adam we want to make sure that you are okay. You're better than this, instead of locking yourself away why don't you do something to honor her memory. Because Michael still needs you, Brandon still needs you. There are people on this Earth that still depend on you. We love you, so please let us help you".

"I don't even know where to start. Dani, its like part of me is missing. Jennifer gave me hope that I could have a loving marriage. I wanted to grow old with her, travel the world and wake up every morning with her by my side...have kids", I sat up throwing Dani off guard,"I know what I need to do".

"Great, so whats the plan?" I jumped out of bed and headed for the shower.

"We've taking a trip. I'll meet you downstairs", I said.