50 Shades of Silver

Shade 46

Silvertongue: I give up.

Sharpfeather: We're on a hunting patrol. Giving up isn't... isn't really a thing. *crouches and starts stalking something.*

Silvertongue: *dramatically slumps against a tree.* No, not hunting! I give up on my quest for love... I give up.

The mouse Sharpfeather was stalking scurries off into the bushes.

Sharpfeather: Great job, idiot! *sighs and spins on her paws* Now we're going to have to go back to the camp with no prey whatsoever, and it's all your fault.

Silvertongue: *starts to sob* That's what Amethystglimmer must think of me... how useless I am!

Sharpfeather: She's right. Mainly because you spend all your time pinning after her instead of doing work for the Clan. You're such an idiot, Silvertongue.

Silvertongue: *sniffles* Isn't this supposed to be a spoof? Stop making this so depressing...

Sharpfeather: *rolls her eyes* Whatever. Let's go back to camp so I can go on a different patrol and you can go back to chasing Amethystglimmer.

Silvertongue: *perks up* You've given be the best idea! Thanks, Sharpfeather. *scurries off.*

Sharpfeather: W-what? *watches him disappear into the trees* Never mind...

Later, in camp.

Silvertongue: *struts into the entrance carrying several pieces of prey; muttering under his breath* Look how great I am now, Sharpfeather! Look how tasty all this prey is gonna be! *drops his prey on the freshkill pile.* Hey, Amethystglimmer?

Amethystglimmer: What do you want, loser?

Silvertongue: Look at all this prey I caught!

Amethystglimmer: *hisses* I'm on a diet, you idiot! I can't eat anything but moss! *starts wailing* You're so stupid! 

Silvertongue: *mutters* I've heard that a lot today. *turns to Amethystglimmer* Well, this prey is special Twoleg food... it's fat-free. From, uh, malnourished squirrels only!

Sparkleglitter: I bet those are the only squirrels you could catch! *cackles*

Amethystglimmer: *snorts.* Get with the times, Silvertongue. Carbs are the devil now, not fat. *shoves her nose up* Anyways, stop being stupid and get lost.

Silvertongue: No, no... I thought this plan would work! *eyes start to water; looks up* Hey, why is there a hawk up there?

The bird lets out a loud screech, and the cats in the camp dive to the sides - all except for the crying Silvertongue and a little kit at the side of the camp.*

Silvertongue: Move! Before the hawk gets here!

Mosskit: It's so pretty! I want to hug it!

The hawk starts to lower toward the kit, flying in wide, swooping circles.

Silvertongue: You idiot!

Mosskit: *looks up and Silvertongue and starts to cry* That's so mean! I'm telling my mommy! *runs off toward the nursery*

Amethystglimmer: *from her hiding spot* Wow, you did something right for once!

Silvertongue: Oh, I did? *looks up at the hawk, which is diving right at him.* oof

The hawk tries to pick up Silvertongue, his claws digging into the tom's scruff, but he's just too heavy. The bird drops him and flies off, screeching loudly.

Amethystglimmer: Wow, that was amazing, Silvertongue! *mutters* Though maybe you should go on a diet if you're too heavy for a hawk to pick up.

Silvertongue: *eyes glazed over* oof

Amethystglimmer: *goes on* Oh, you're bleeding! Medicine cat slave, get over here and fix this poor tom! 

Silvertongue: oof. I'm fine.

Amethystglimmer: *clutches her heart* He speaks!

Silvertongue: oof

by rio