Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (The M. Clifford MOD)

Act 2: Scene 21

MINISTRY OF MAGIC, MISUSE OF MUGGLE ARTIFACTS OFFICE

We come upon a delightful scene, a welcome change, a government office run amok. Scores of random, everyday items are magically performing their intended functions while others are, more disturbingly, performing all sorts of unintended functions. Everywhere we look, Muggle objects are bouncing off shelves, spinning out of control, steaming, sprouting arms and climbing out of open windows to elude the grasp of Ministry employees. And more! This is the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. And it's bloody brilliant.

HARRY enters through the office door and sticks his hands into his pockets. He looks unsure if he should even be there. Instead of approaching the array of cubicles, HARRY stands near the exit. After a moment, RON enters. He approaches a younger coworker — LIVINGSTONE — who is wrestling, quite literally, with a hand mixer.

RON: Livingstone, how goes it? Is the hand mixer still shooting beaters at you?

LIVINGSTONE (struggling): No, Mister Weasley. Which is great, thumbs-up great, it's just —

RON reflects on his last statement with a chuckle as if LIVINGSTONE weren't rolling on the ground, fighting off a violently spinning kitchen appliance.

RON (amusedly): Beaters. I reckon there's a cracking good Quidditch joke somewhere in there. I'll give it a think.

LIVINGSTONE: I can't — get them — to stop.

RON: They weren't likely to stop immediately. Let's focus on tiring them out. Put the mixer to good use. Make dough or a batter of some sort.

LIVINGSTONE looks up at RON with hopeless skepticism. RON is grinning at the continued struggle. And then he gets distracted. He's seen HARRY.

LIVINGSTONE: You want me to... bake?

RON (impatiently): Well, it's worth a try. What are you waiting for?

LIVINGSTONE exits with the hand mixer held at arm's length. RON gives HARRY a half-smile and approaches him. HARRY tries to smile back.

HARRY: Hey, Ron.

RON: Harry Potter. In my office. I'm honored.

RON escorts HARRY to one of the larger cubicles at the rear. Something that looks like it could have been a ceiling fan in a former life careens toward HARRY. He ducks just in time as it slams into the wall.

HARRY: I see you have your hands full.

RON: Don't mind it, actually. Paperwork's boring...

RON points to a crystal jar on his surprisingly organized desk.

Do you fancy a toffee? Don't tell Hermione. As if I need reminding that her parents were dentists. We're off sugar at the moment. You know, you can get addicted to this stuff?

HARRY (quietly): Is that right?

RON (in his best HERMIONE impression): Ronald! Have you been eating too many sweets again?! (beat, he laughs) She's quite fierce. But I do love her.

There is a moment of silence. It's awkward for them both. From inside his coat, RON pulls a wrinkled, white paper bag. He holds out the bag to HARRY.

Would you like some of my Fizzing Whizbees? I've also got some Shock-o-Choc, Pepper Imps, and some Jelly Slugs.

HARRY peeks into the bag.