The Little Black Book for Girlz: A Book on Healthy Sexuality

Ugly Duckling Syndrome

My friends called it the “Ugly Duckling Syndrome”. I’d considered myself ugly for so long that I just couldn’t say no to any guy who showed interest in me. I was so flattered that guys found me attractive! So it started out with me just fooling around with random guys from school, parties, whatever.

I didn’t complain that they didn’t want anything but play from me. (I gave my first hand job before I got my first kiss.) I figured I should take what I could get.

After doing this for a year, I noticed the toll it was taking on me, so I got a real boyfriend. He was sweet and good looking but boring. He cared about me, though. All the same, I just couldn’t shake my hooking-up habit. For two months I stayed loyal to him, but slowly I started to get restless. He was so predictable! I stopped partying with him on the weekends and started meeting new guys.

Then, at my first drunken house party (without him) in ages, an ex-fuck buddy of mine showed up. He was looking as hot as ever. I was immediately drawn to him. We hung out the whole night and ended up making out. We had nothing but sexual attraction to each other, which made our affair safe for me emotionally. We used each other. He wanted to cum and I wanted ...validation. I wanted someone else to let me know I’m pretty. It was the ugly duckling syndrome all over again. I didn’t feel bad that I was cheating on my boyfriend. I was flattered. I was proud ... almost. I felt like I was telling every- body whoever said I was ugly that I wasn’t. I didn’t just have one guy after me, I had two!

After a while one of my friends talked some sense into me:
I was being a bitch to both guys. I swore I’d stop the affair, but the next time I saw my fuck buddy, I just didn’t know how to say no. When my boyfriend started to get suspicious, I began to feel guilty (kinda). I decided that if I really cared for my boyfriend, I wouldn’t feel the need to cheat, so I dumped him. I also ditched the other guy. It was one of the most liberating experiences I’d had in a while. Having the strength and respect for myself to be without any guy in my life – no boyfriend, no fuck buddy – was amazing. Looking back on our relationship, I feel bad that I cheated so much, and I realize I cheated to bring myself up without even stopping to think how it could’ve brought other people down, myself included.

—Anonymous, 16