One of the most important things in a relationship is communication. Knowing how to talk to your partner can be really difficult and kinda scary—especially about S E X. You need to ask yourself this question: if you aren’t comfortable talkin’ to your guy or girl about sex, then why are you havin’ sex with them?!
It’s really hard to talk to somebody about sex when you are going hot and heavy, so most people just go with stuff even if they are not into it. This is why it is sooooo important to talk about what you think about sex and what you are comfortable with and what you aren’t comfortable with BEFORE you have sex.
If you are ready to have sex but are having trouble getting over the hump of bringing up the topic, or if you are already having sex and there are things that need talking about, here are some suggestions for how to start a conversation about SEX!
+ Do whatever you need to feel comfortable. You could start by making a joke or casual reference to something related to sex to get on the topic.
+ Use props, man!! Have a magazine with a condom ad in it, a book that has some cheesy information for teens about sexuality. Say “Hey did you see this?” or “What do you think?” or something to that effect.
+ Read an article or pamphlet about it together. They are pretty helpful and funny. Once you get the ball rolling it gets easier.
+ Sometimes it’s less awkward to broach the topic when you’re in a group. You don’t have to get into specifics. You could all just talk about your opinion on different types of sex or birth control. It depends on how comfortable you are with your friends. If you’ll be able to talk with them, it can make talking to your partner later less scary and you also won’t feel so isolated.
+ You could go to a clinic, or drop-in center, with your partner and talk to knowledgeable people there.
+ You could try talking to your partner before, during, or after having sex. You could say things like:
“This is what I am comfortable with ...”
“I want to do it like this ...”
“I like this/that ... that’s good ... ahh that’s not quite what I like. It would be better if you did this ....”
+ If you want to talk about your partner’s techniques, starting with positive reinforcements is a good idea. You don’t want to insult your partner. And remember: they probably don’t really know what they are doing and need your help! If you want to discourage something specific, it’s a good idea to also think of something you want to encourage and say something like, “I’d like more of this and less of this.”
These are just suggestions and ideas. You may find some helpful and others not. You may find none of them helpful, but they may help you think of other things. Regardless of how you do it, I hope you can get open communication with your partner. Hey, for me, and for many others I know, communicative sex equals more enjoyable, safe sex. Good luck and have fun!
Annie Grainger
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The Little Black Book for Girlz: A Book on Healthy Sexuality
Non-FictionCheck it out: not just a book about sex, but a look at girl culture by youth themselves. No stuffy school textbook. No nosey adults. Just a diverse group of teen girls from a community youth project who had questions about sexuality. To find answers...
