The Little Black Book for Girlz: A Book on Healthy Sexuality

What Is Safe Sex?

The Group

Safe sex means a lot of things; there is emotionally safe sex and physically safe sex. I am going to focus on physically safe sex.

The safest thing to do is not to have sex. But the reality is that we often choose to have sex and most of the time we don't know what the risks are. When I first had sex, I was worried about getting pregnant but I didn't really think it would happen to me and

I didn't think about STIs or AIDS. Once I learned about these things and met young people who were my age and HIV positive, I changed my mind about sex. Now I insist on safe sex.

I have done a lot of reading and learning while working on this book, and to have the safest sex possible is the ideal, but I wonder how many people actually do have the safest sex they can? I think we should begin by talking about what safe sex is:

To ensure safer sex with a penis in a vagina, you need the following:

• latex or polyurethane condom OR a polyurethane female condom

• water-based lubrication (Oil-based lubes can cause condoms to break.)

To "go down on a woman,"you need the following:

• dental dam or a latex condom cut in half (A dental dam is a soft thin stretchy piece of latex that feels silky. You hold it between your partner's vagina and your tongue while giving her oral sex. It feels really good and also helps prevent the spread of STIs.)

To give a blow job to a guy, you need the following:

• a dry latex condom

To finger a woman, you need the following: • latex gloves or finger cots

So there you have it, your safest bet is LATEX CONDOMS!!!!! (But remember: even condoms aren't 100% effective—it says so right on the package.)

Now that you know you need to use condoms and all the other goodies, does that mean you will? 

Why don't some people use condoms?

I have heard so many guys say "it doesn't feel good" or "I'm too big, it doesn't fit properly" or "It ruins the mood".

So how can we respond to these statements? Here is a list of suggestions of what to say.

• "It may not feel good, but having a little swab stuck up inside your penis for an STI check feels even worse, don't ya think?"

• "It may not feel great, but green discharge coming out of your penis is not a such a good feeling either!"

• "I can see that you're big, but as you can see I can fit this entire condom on my fist so I think it will fit!" (Try it. You really can!)

• "Not to worry, I have the extra large condoms. Let's see if you really need them."

• "Yeah, you know what? Testing positive for HIV would ruin MY mood."

• "You know what ruins my mood? The fact that you don't care about my safety! And you say you love me!"

• "I understand that it could ruin the mood BUT if I put it on with my mouth like this, how does it feel?" (Try this one too.)

• There is this saying "no glove no love..." That works for me!

Another thing we have to keep in mind about condoms is that a lot of guys don't actually know how to put them on. If that thing is going in my body, I want to know the condom is on the right way!!! See the following picture for instructions.

A lot of friends say that they won't put them on a guy because they don't want him to think they are sluts. Well here is some news for you. If he thinks those types of things, then why are you about to sleep with him? I always put the condoms on and I make it a part of the foreplay.That way the so-called mood isn't ruined.

In the end, what did we learn? USE CONDOMS TO SAVE YOUR BODY, RELATIONSHIPS, and LIFE!