Sang Insane | ✔

Chapter Thirty Seven

I wonder if they regretted it.

When the shots were fired, did they see their lives flash before their eyes?

Did they feel remorse?

Did they really love me?

I swallow my throat and ignore the feeling in my stomach.

It feels almost like I ate too much. Like I am sick and about to puke. Like I am full. I guess I am full. Full of sorrow.

Sorrow for my dead mother.

Sorrow for my dead sister.

Sorrow that they never treated me like a normal person.

Sorrow that I am not a normal person.

Sorrow that Father didn't die as well.

Sorrow that I plan on killing him.

Sorrow because I know that, if I had to do it again, I would kill them again. Maybe even slower and painfully.

Sorrow for these boys who had to kill for me. Have to put up with me and my family. Have to take care of me because I don't exist.

Sorrow that I don't exist. I will never have a real life. I will always be a burden on someone or not able to survive.

Sorrow because I don't understand what everyone else does.

"Sang, are you okay?" Corey asks, concerned.

I give Corey a big smile.

My Peep.

So kind, so gentle, so caring, so perfect.

Just like all the other boys.

The boys that I actually care about, care about too much.

"I'm okay, Corey," I answer truthfully.

How dare I have pity for myself?

I know that others have it so much worse than me.

I may think that life is unfair, but that is not true.

Life is fair in that it is unfair to everyone.

We are driving down the road slowly and Raven starts yelling mean words because the car in front of us is really slow.

I can't wait until I am old and retired so I can wake up at six in the morning and drive around really slowly and make everyone late for school and work.

Being old sounds like so much fun. You get to pretend you're senile, you get discounts on everything, and, finally, you can get away with anything claiming you were having a "senior moment."

I glare at Raven for saying such mean words to the slow driver.

An eternity later, our old and crumbling bodies walk in the mansion.

I hope I don't have wrinkles.

I trudge into the house and purposely fall flat on my face over the armrest and on the couch.

I lay with my face buried in the cushion until Always Hungry picks me up and cradles me in his lap.

Sighing, I sit up.

"Mr.Blackbourne, I believe you were going to ask me about Insane?" I remind him.

I don't know why I reminded him.

I have been avoiding this.

Might as well get it over with, right?

Mr.Blackbourne clears his throat.