Save Me ; Yoonmin ✅

2

(( Jimin's pov ))

I woke up from knocks on my door. My eyes opened quickly and they kind of hurt. I looked at my door and heard Taehyung on the other side of the door.

"Hey Jiminie, we have practice in an hour you should get ready."

I groaned and yelled a quick 'okay' back. I stood up and felt my sore muscles in my stomach. I stretched a bit and hoped it went away. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

"You're disgusting" I whispered to myself before I quickly threw a black t-shirt over my head. I ran my hands through my black hair a few times until it looked okay and went downstairs. I looked on the clock and saw that I still had 15 minutes left. I shouldn't eat breakfast, I already had bad food yesterday, now I need to compensate. I made myself a coffee and went to the living room. Yoongi was the only one there and as soon as he saw me took off his headphones.

"Goodmorning" He said with a sweet smile. I returned the greeting and sat down next to him. He stared at me for a bit while I was drinking my coffee, and I turned to him.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"Aren't you gonna have breakfast? We'll have a tough practice today." Yoongi asked and put his hand on my knee. A weird feeling went through my stomach, I don't really know what it was.

"Oh uh, I already had breakfast in the kitchen just now." I lied while taking another sip of my coffee. Yoongi nodded and took his hand of my knee to grab his phone. A big part of me desperately wanted his hand back on my knee. What is this? Why am I feeling like this?

I got out of my thoughts as the others one by one entered the living room too. Hoseok flopped on the couch next to me.

"Are you feeling better ChimChim?" He asked with a smile. I nodded

"Yeah, a bit."

"Take it easy at practise if you don't feel well, okay? Take care of yourself." Hoseok added and put his hand on my shoulder for a bit. I smiled as a thank you and he stood up and left.

After everyone was done we all left to the dance studio and started doing some of the choreos we were going to use on tour. After an hour we took a break, and I've never been happier with one. I sat against the wall out of breath. My head hurt really bad, man how do people do these not eating things?

"Jimin you should take a rest you're really pale." Hoseok walked up to my while drying off his forehead with a towel.

"No, I'm fine I just need.." I didn't get to finish my sentence.

"Jimin, I know you never give up dancing no matter how bad you feel, but concerts start again in a few days and we need you to be better by then okay?" He said sternly but in a nice way. I didn't really know what to say so I just nodded.

"Here." Hoseok handed me an apple. I looked up to him. "You should eat, it will make you feel better." I hesitantly took the apple out of his hand and thanked him. I waited for Hoseok to walk off and I looked down at the apple in my hand. I can eat this right? It's fruit, that's not bad right? I took a bite out of the apple and felt it go down into my empty stomach. I took another bite and watched the others stand up to get back to dancing. I wanted to stand up too but Hoseok's stern face made me sit back down.

After a third bite I started to feel sick. How could I feel sick? I only had 3 bites. I checked if anyone was looking at me, no one was. I quickly threw the rest of the apple in the bin and started watching the others.

They were all so good. I wish I was as good. But no, I had to be fat, I can't dance, I can't sing. Why am I even in BTS? A lot of hate filled thoughts went in my head, and I didn't even notice that 2 hours had passed. I looked up and all the members were out of breath. The coach thanked up for our energy and we all went out.

***

Namjoon took us to this new place in town he was crazy about. It was kind of hipster themed and it wasn't that full. We went to have a seat at a table big enough for all of us and I started to worry; I was going to eat again. I can't eat nothing, they will question it, and I can't have them walking in the way of me losing weight, because I know they will.

We all ordered food and waited for it to come. I got some concerned expressions from Yoongi and Hoseok, but they were too busy talking with the others to actually speak to me. I zoned out into thought until the food arrived. It looked delicious, it was all kinds of meat, different types of sauces and rice. I took a small portion of meat and rice on my plate and slowly started eating some of it. I felt worse and worse with every small bite I took and after eating half of my small portion I excused myself to go to the restroom.

I walked in and saw no one else was there. I walked over to the sink and splashed some water in my face. I stared in the mirror, why am I like this? I know I have to eat, yet it feels impossible. I don't want to. I felt guilt build up in my body when I remembered what I had eaten.

I slowly walked into one of the stalls and locked it. Was I seriously doing this? I can't do that right? That's wrong. I knelt down in front of the toilet and found myself sitting like that for a minute. Fuck it. I slowly brought my finger up to my mouth. It entered my mouth and I was ready to stick it in the back of my throat when I heard someone walk in. I went completely silent and hoped whoever that was didn't know I was here.

"Jimin?"

Fuck

I casually walked out of the toilet stall as if nothing happened. I saw Yoongi standing there looking at me with concern.

"What are you doing in here? What is taking you so long?" He asked with concern in his voice. Okay, come up with a lie. You can do this Jimin.

"Uhm." I stumbled. Nice way to start a lie you idiot. "I uh, I've been feeling kinda sick today and I thought I had to throw up so I went here."

"Oh Jiminie are you okay? Did you?" He said while looking over to the stall.

"No, it was false alarm." I said and let out a fake laugh.

We walked back to the table and sat down. Everyone was enjoying their time, but I couldn't stop thinking about what happened. What if Yoongi didn't walk in? Would I actually have done it? And during the rest of the dinner, where I didn't eat anything else, I could only hear one thing going through my brain;

Fat.

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