The Memoriam Files: Minds [EDITING] ✔

| Chapter 22, Let's hurt tonight

|My secret side I keep hid under lock and key

|Song: Monster, Skillet

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Dawn's P.O.V

The smell of death seemed to follow me wherever I went. Crimson red blood painted my hands and my stomach was still aching from throwing up.
I stumbled behind the group through the streets, my mind one big blur.
Newt was walking beside me, not speaking but ready to catch me if I should fall. And for that I was thankful. We still had a lot to discuss and he deserved to know everything, I just felt scared. I was scared of sharing my memories. They had changed my opinion on a lot of things and what if they changed Newt his opinion about us?

I was shaken out of my thoughts when we suddenly stopped walking. Jorge gestured for us to stand against the wall. Quickly we all pressed ourselves against the wall of the nearest building.
The knife I had stolen from one of the Cranks we fought was tightly in my hand.
Jorge peaked around the corner. I stared at his back, nerves swimming through my body.
Then he turned back to us. 'There is a weaponstorage over there,' he whispered. 'I think it's abandoned and I'm guessing there is food as well.'
We all stared back at him, waiting for his signal.
'Hands on your weapons, boys,' he mumbled. Then turned to look at me. 'And girl.'
I simply rolled my eyes and followed him and the other Gladers around the corner.

The street was small and empty. A few trashcans stood by the side of the road. Completely packed. A few papers blew through the street but other than that it was quiet. Still the grip on my knife tightenend, we hadn't completely recovered from the fight that happened a few hours ago, we probably wouldn't survive another attack.
Jorge pointed to what seemed to have been a beautiful mansion once. But now the windows were broken, the roof tiles had come loose and the front garden was filled with garbage.
He gestured for us to follow him as we ran across the street, trying to make as little sound as possible.
Minho reached the door first and didn't hesitate to kick it in, then he disappeared in the darkness.
I took a deep breath as the Gladers went inside, one by one, me and Newt went last.

Inside the mansion it was dark and dusty, but Jorge got his flashlight out to guide us.
We moved through the huge hall, into what must have been the living room. An old couch stood against the wall, dust covering it, the cloth had been torn apart.
My eyes moved through the room and saw a painting standing in the corner, though it was impossible to make out the picture. Dust covered it as if a blanket had been thrown over it.
On the ceiling was an old chandelier. Cobwebs decorated the once shiny diamonds.

I shivered.

A sudden scream made me look up. All the Gladers had already made their way into the huge basement of the house, I hadn't even noticed I had been left behind.
Quickly I ran through the room, into the old and dusty kitchen and down the stairs in the corner. I pushed my way through the Gladers until I was standing before them all and had a clear view of what happened.

The crank was dead on the floor, with Jorge's knife buried in his chest.

Jorge looked up at us, breathing heavily.
'Do you think he was alone?' I asked.
The hispanic man nodded. 'Yeah, probably just looking for shelter. No Crank would be so stupid to leave the guarding of weapons up to one Crank.'
I nodded slowly while looking around the room. 'Good to know,' I mumbled, having already lost all interest in the conversation.

The basement was filled with piles of knifes, handmade spears and other things I didn't even know the names of.
In the far right corner stood a few boxes filled with cans of cold beans.

'Enough for now, hermanos?' Jorge asked.
'Yeah,' I heard Minho mumbled.

I walked forwards to the pile of knives. There were much better ones here than the one I had stolen from the Crank.
I rummaged through the pile, careful not to cut myself.
Finally I found one with the perfect size and balance for me.
I took another one, just to be sure. This one was a bit bigger but still very handy.

The other Gladers were also picking their weapons and Jorge was handing out the beans. He noticed me watching him and gestured for me to get one too.
I gave him a small smile before walking over to him and taking a can out of his hands.

'Alright you ugly shanks. We'll be staying here for the night so settle in. Dawn I want you on first watch upstairs,' Minho said.
I nodded at him before taking my new weapons and food upstairs.

The old couch turned out to be in a perfect shape to sit on. Plus it had the perfect position to see an enemy sneak up from all sides.
I ate my beans, disgusted by their taste but knowing I had to eat something.
After the horrible cold meal I started sharping my knives with a stone I had taken from outside.

And so the hours passed. Darkness had now fully settled and I could snors coming from the basement.
Smiling quietly to myself I sat there in darkness, forcing myself to stay awake.

A sudden sound made me grab my knife tightly and turn towards the sound of the noise.
I breathed out, relieved, when I noticed it was Newt who had walked into the room.
'Keeping busy, I see,' he commented.
I gave him a small smile and put my knife down.
He smiled back at me and walked forwards, taking place next to me on the couch. I was surprised the thing didn't break under the weight of the two of us.
'Came to relief me of my watch-duty?' I asked him.
He shook his head, not responding.
I took a deep breath, suddenly realising why he came here.
'You want to do this now?' I whispered.
He turned to look at me, straight in my eyes. And suddenly I felt so incredibly small. His gaze could burn my entire armor away. He alone was enough to break all my defenses.
'You really haven't figured it out yet, have you?' He whispered.
This time I stayed quiet.
'Dawn, I want to make one thing very clear.'
His voice was so fragile and yet certain that it scared me. Something important was coming and I was willing to listen.

'If you're not ready to share something with me, 'cause you feel like I'm somehow not...' he took a deep breath. 'It's fine, if you don't want to share everything. Just don't start ignorin' me or pushing me away. I need you with me.'

A small smile found its way on my face and I took his hand in mine. 'I promise,' I whispered. 'And don't think for one second that I don't need you either. I do, I do need you.'

He smiled back at me and nodded.
I took a deep breath and suddenly felt determined. 'You deserve to know why I've been distant.'
His smile turned into a smirk. 'You'd bloody think so.'
I couldn't laugh about it and his expression turned serious again.
'Listen, Newt, my memories they scare me to death. Far more than any Crank or Griever could. Because it's me we're talking about. I'm changing because of this and that is what scares me.'
Newt slightly squeezed my hands. 'Whatever it is you remember, it won't change who you are.'
'It does when I turn out to be the reason you're here,' I mumbled, almost to quiet.
But he heard it and he froze. 'What do you mean?'
Taking a deep breath I casted my eyes down, not able to look at him as I told him about the memory of Wicked testing me. Taking me to my old street and taking Newt captive. I let out the part of his little sister, it would break him, plus I had no idea if she was still alive. What would be the point in telling him he had a sister, only for him to find out she was dead later?

When I was done talking Newt seemed to be just as calm as when I started.
'You're not...mad at me?' I asked, feeling a bit surprised.
'I can't believe you'd bloody think that,' Newt answered me, but his voice was soft and not angry. 'How could I be mad at you. You tried to safe me! It was Wicked who took me, not you.'
I let out a shaky breath. 'Still if I somehow-'
'Stop that,' he interrupted me, suddenly stern. 'It won't do you any good to think about what could've happened. Don't do that.'
I looked up at him, feeling my strength return. 'I'm not gonna make another promise, I've already made you way too much promises.'
Newt laughed at that and then pulled me into a hug. We fell silent and just continued to sit there like this, in each other's arms, where we belonged.