Alice in Wonderland

Chapter 15

A/N

Hey guys! Quick author's note.

I know some things in this book may be confusing, but I promise everything will make sense by the end. You're seeing the story from Lily's point of view, so you're learning as she does. There's A LOT she still doesn't know.

Feel free to ask questions because since I'm the author, I already know the story in my head. I haven't read the book from your point of view, so sometimes it's hard to remember what you guys know and don't know. Does that make sense?

There was more I wanted to say, but like always, I forget as soon as I get to the keyboard. Just know I love you guys!

Chapter 15

I was dreading school on Monday morning, and I considered asking Mrs. Sharpe if I could stay in bed, but that would raise questions I didn't want to answer. If I could answer any of them since my memory is so hazy from Friday night. I had put most of the pieces together and realized that I was at a party with Tracy and her friend, but after that I have to guess most of it. I remember enough to know I want to avoid Tracy and Noah at all costs today. Hopefully they plan to do the same.

I haven't eaten all weekend, despite Mrs. Sharpe consistently bringing me soup and crackers all weekend. Everytime I think about consuming something, I remember the possibility of drugs being in it and immediately lose my appetite. I still haven't figured out who I could trust to talk to about this.

My clothes were starting to sag on me and I hated the emptiness inside my stomach. Food had never been an issue for me, but now I fear I'll be never be able to look at it the same again.

I didn't plan on eating breakfast, despite my hunger, but I know Mrs. Sharpe will be watching and I want to get her off my back. I already have too much to worry about, I don't want to end up strapped to a hospital bed because Mrs. Sharpe thinks I'm slipping through the cracks.

I ignore the numerous set of eyes that watch me take a seat, hating being a concern of so many people. Just a few days ago I loved the feeling of belonging, but now I see what a mistake it was to think I could belong anywhere besides with my parents.

Surprisingly, Mrs. Sharpe doesn't say anything as I pick at my breakfast, unable to taste any of it. I force myself to swallow without tasting because I don't want to pass out from lack of nutrition. That will only add to the long list of things that have been going wrong.

I feel my shell coming back and forming around me, regrets and mistakes filling the cracks to make it complete. For a while I was comfortable to talk, smile and even laugh, but now I can barely make eye contact. Will the rest of my life consist of getting knocked down everytime I make progress?

I assumed the boys would respect my silence and leave alone for the time being, but Josh interrogated me on the way to school.

"So I heard you're a party animal now," Josh smirks, pushing his red headphones back so they rest around his neck.

My gut twists from the slight truth to his words and the fact that Kyle had clearly informed him. It wasn't exactly a secret, but I don't like spreading my mistakes around with everyone. "It was a mistake."

"You should have invited me," Josh grins. "I could've shown you how to play beer pong."

Part of me feels like he's making fun of me, but Josh hasn't given me a reason to doubt our friendship. At least not yet. "I don't know if I can trust anyone anymore."

Josh looks annoyed and rolls his eyes, pushing back his hat to scratch his head. "So you're going back to what your parents brainwashed you into thinking?"