Alice in Wonderland

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

There's a decent amount of people at the field when we return, but most of them are for the other team. Tracy parks in the parking lot of the school this time and she tells me she doesn't have a parking spot because she lost a textbook freshman year and never paid for it. That rule sounds ridiculous, but it makes sense, I suppose.

"Lily," Tracy says just as I'm about to open the door. I didn't know what to say besides goodbye, but I guess she knows. "I never meant to hurt Kyle. I don't regret being with Noah, but I regret how I ended it with Kyle. We just weren't right for each other and I should have told him that."

I don't know why she's telling me this, but I feel like a third-wheel to this conversation since it really has nothing to do with me. Some things should stay between Tracy and Kyle so long as it doesn't involve or effect me. "You should really tell him that."

"I know," she sighs, pulling her keys out of the ignition. "He doesn't want to talk to me, which I don't blame him. I really liked Kyle, but we just didn't get each other. I want someone to yell at me when I yell at them, tell me when I'm being stupid. Kyle didn't want to lose me so he gave in to everything. That's not a relationship, that's ownership. He just wanted to please me, not work things out."

I don't see what she's talking about because Kyle talks to me about everything except when I need space. But I know all relationships are different and theirs struggled tremendously. "You should have talked to him."

Tracy laughs like I don't know what I'm talking about and I probably don't. "It wouldn't have worked out, Lily. It just wasn't meant to be."

We get out of her Jeep and I meet her in the front of it, both of us looking around at the crowded parking lot. I turn to face Tracy, still feeling uncomfortable that I'm giving her advice on how to talk to Kyle when he's made it clear he wants nothing to do with her. "It's not too late to talk to him, Tracy. You can't fix it, but you can give him your side of things."

She smiles softly and nods her head. I don't think I'm supposed to be okay with her talking to Kyle, especially since she has no problem ruining relationships, but I trust him. Tracy, on the other hand, I'm trying to trust. "I'll try. It'd be nice if he could at least make up with Noah."

I nod my head, not really knowing anything about Noah and Kyle's friendship. I know they were close, but Noah couldn't have been much of a friend to agree to hook-up with Tracy behind his back.

"Thank you, Lily," Tracy says suddenly, shocking me out of my thoughts. I can handle Tracy being neutral with me, but nice? That's suspicious. "You're a good person and I'm sorry I ever hurt you. I was jealous, but I should have been thankful. Things worked out because of you. Just don't hurt him, okay?"

I laugh softly because I think she's joking about me hurting him, but I realize she's serious. "I wouldn't hurt anyone. And I don't want to be on bad terms with you anymore."

"Me either."

"Just answer this and I'll forget it ever happened," I say, breathing in deeply. Answers usually lead to me not being able to handle anything anymore, but I want to use them to learn and grow. I don't want to be held back and cower from the truth. "Did you want to hurt me that night at the party?"

Tracy sighs like she knew this was going to come up, but she shakes her head in answer. "Not physically. But I wanted you to be scared. I wanted you to be so scared you wouldn't ever leave your room again."

She knew my weaknesses. She knew my trust issues, she knew everything that happened that night was something my parents warned me not to do. She knew making me feel scared would give her control over me and she was so right. She thought everything through that night, long and hard and knew exactly what she was doing. Just like my parents.