Alice in Wonderland

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

At school on Monday I feel content enough to open up during group therapy and discussions. I don't go into much detail, just tell everyone enough to satisfy them until I'm sure to have another breakdown. My teachers seem proud that my mood is starting to lift again, but I know better. What goes up must come down.

They send me off to lunch, not knowing how much I still struggle to mingle with regular students. They think I've been going for the past week and I should have just admitted that I've been hiding in the girls bathroom every time. Today though, I really want to try.

I feel brave enough to face the lunchroom, but I'm still nervous. When I start to feel great, something always brings me down. I'm worried whatever's waiting for me is in the cafeteria.

I know I should call Kyle and ask him to meet me before I go in, but he might still be in class so I text him and ask him where he is. He doesn't respond and after a few minutes, I decide to brave the storm on my own for once and step inside the cafeteria.

I stay to the side and try to scan faces for one of the three I want to see, but everyone moves in a blur. The people who walk directly by me stare and I wonder if it's because they think I'm new. I'm not in mainstream classes, so none of them know I exist for the most part.

I see a familiar dark haired boy about to sit down at a table and I immediately head towards him before I lose sight of him. I approach the table where he's already seated and hesitantly glance at the other males occupying the seats around him.

"Hi, Josh," I mumble so softly he probably doesn't hear me. His friends are all staring at me like I'm from another planet and I have to remind myself that I sort of am.

Josh glances up at me in confusion and sets down the energy drink in his hand. He glances around behind me, probably looking for Kyle or Tyler, and isn't happy when he sees I'm alone. "What are you doing up here?"

His voice sounds a little angry and accusing, but I brush it off. Josh means well, no matter what he says. "I have to eat lunch up here now."

"And where's your boyfriend?"

I glance down at the floor, not understanding why this is all confusing for him. I thought I told the boys a long time ago I have to transition into regular classes. Did I really never tell them? "I don't know."

Josh watches me closely as his friends continue to stare at me. Why are they all looking at me for so long? Is this normal? "Alright," Josh sighs heavily and pushes his tray a few inches away. "Sit."

I immediately sit, grateful I no longer have to stand for everyone to stare at. Josh continues to eat his lunch like I'm not even here and I kind of appreciate the few minutes to gather my thoughts.

"So you're the famous Lily," the guy across from me is wearing a hat with the logo from Josh's drink. He has a really cool necklace and I think about asking him about it, but finally decide not to. "Wow, you are so much more beautiful in person."

I think it's a compliment so I smile softly, discretely gripping Josh's arm for support. He glares at my hand, but doesn't tell me to let go. "Relax, Lily," Josh says, finally turning to look at me. "They aren't going to hurt you."

He says it loud enough that it sounds like a warning and I avoid all their eyes. I really wish they would stop staring at me.

"Does Kyle know you're up here?" Josh asks, moving his head a little closer to mine since the volume in the cafeteria has increased. I shake my head and hope I'm not hurting him with my grasp on his arm. He still doesn't comment on it. "I'll text him. Don't do anything stupid on my watch, alright?"