Scars (Karma x Depressed Asano) (bxb)

Chapter 7

Asano's POV

I'm currently sitting on my bed, thinking about how the suicide is going to go.  After that day, where the voice inside my head told me to kill myself, I've been thinking about it a lot.

After about three days of serious thinking and actually forgetting to study, I've decided to do it. I'm tired of being ignored, being not cared for and not being any use to anyone.

I find myself wondering why dad even wants me here. Did he even want me? Am I not supposed to be here? Am I a mistake?

I feel tears welling in my eyes. I've been crying more and more these days. Trying to think about if I even have a  purpose in this world. No one wants me here. I'm just a waste of space.

Useless...

Ugly...

Annoying...

A sob escapes my mouth as tears stream down my face like waterfalls. I cover my face with my blanket, trying to drown out the ugly sound escaping my mouth.

Dad was home and in his room. The walls are thinner than paper which doesn't help the current situation. I need to quiet down or he's going to come into my room.

I snatch the razor that was resting in my bedside table and drag it down my arm roughly. Ugly scars appear and blood begins to pour down onto the bed.

I don't even care right now. All I'm trying to do is impress the only person who I care about. But he doesn't even notice me trying so hard.

I be created about twelve cuts on my right arm that was stinging like crazy. I glance at my left arm that I've been able to keep safe for all these years.

I drag the blade down my left arm, creating a massive cut that went from wrist to my elbow. I throw my razor at the wall out frustration and groan.

I hate my life....

Why don't you kill yourself now...

That's a good idea but I've already figured out how it's going to go. I want to write a suicide note first, not because I want to make the people reading it feel bad only because I want to let someone know why I did it. I don't really care who either.

I sigh wearily as hope off the bed. I walk into the bathroom and stare at the mirror, revealing my pale, tear stained ugly face. I grimace at the sight and decide to have a quick shower.

I slowly walk back into my room to get my towel. It felt like I had ran a mile when I reached it since I was sweating. I must be getting fatter.

I look down at my stomach that was poking out of my shirt. I walk back into the bathroom and turn on the shower to freezing cold. Using hot water on something like me is a waste.

I jump slightly when the water hit my back. It's freezing! I grab the soap bar and rub it all over my body as quick as I could. Staying in here would cause me to get sick.

After I had reminded all the soap suds off my body, I wrap my towel around my waist and walk out of the bathroom. It's already 7:30 in the afternoon.

I must have spent a lot of time on the bed. Speaking of the bed, I need to change the blood stained sheets before my dad sees. I pull out a long sleeved shirt and pants from the closet and slip them on attempting to create some sort of warmth.

I pull the bedsheets off the bed and pile it at one edge of the room. I don't need my dad to see this here. I need wash it when he's not home or he'll wonder why I'm washing it instead of the maids.

I sit in my study table and take out the homework Korosensei told us to do. To be honest, it's no that simple but I'll manage.

I scan over every question and answer the ones that I knew. I pull out my phone and search up formulas since I don't want to see my dad right now.

Just as I was about to put my phone away, my bedroom door opens and my dad appears at the entrance. He sees me holding my phone and raises an eyebrow questioningly.

"I was searching up something." I say quietly before placing it aside and continuing my homework. I don't really think he cares but I said it anyway.

I shiver as I feel a presence behind me. I turn my head to look over my shoulder and he was standing there looking over my shoulder at the homework.

"Is it easy?" He asks suddenly. I nod my head a little and continue doing the work. I don't really care that he's watching me do it since I know I'm doing it right.

After I finish the homework, I pull out another worksheet that Mrs blonde-y gave us. I was stuck on the first question though.

Teacher's name____________

A feel a sweat drop running down my face. I don't even know my teacher's name...

I decide to skip it and ask a student before class starts. Apparently this worksheet is for the students who find everything else easy. So I presume this is the difficult work sheet. But come one, English is too easy. I can probably go to Australia and join the spelling bee think that they have.

After half an hour I've finished all the homework that was given and was due on Thursday. Yeah I have like another five days but finishing early means I have time to do what I want.

Well actually, I don't get to do what I want since I need to study for tests and and assignments. Yes I have no life except to study.

I glance over my shoulder to check the time on the clock hanging on the wall behind me. But instead, I came face to face with my dad who was still watching me work.

I nearly had a heart attack.

"Umm...dad what are you doing?" I ask wondering how long he was standing there.

"Checking your work." He replies straight after. I nod my head understanding and put the homework aside. I take out my other study books I use to learn things before we do them at school.

I begin writing down the equations and formulas. As much as I hate thinking, I have to do it otherwise dad would tell me off for not studying.

I guess he expects me to do work for the rest of my life. I have a limit you know. I've been pushed beyond my limits ever since I was a kid and I still get no break.

I sigh and put away the books. I turn my head once again to see if my dad was still there. Thankfully he wasn't. I flop down onto the uncovered bed and snuggle into a ball.

Maybe I should commence my plan in three days time so I can finish everything and then die without worrying. I smile at the thought and shut my eyes.

I can't wait till Tuesday....