the library | meanie

28

wonwoo was sad the rest of the month. just going to uni and locking himself into his room was all he did. he would avoid the library, and his mom would ask him if anything was wrong and he wouldn't answer. there was nothing wrong, he tried to convince himself.

he wanted mingyu beside him. he wanted to look at his handsome face, look at his smile. hear him talking comforting words to him, that everything was going to be alright, that it was okay. oh gosh, how he missed him. 

they had only been dating for a month, but it had been one of the best months in his life where he finally could be himself, but only in mingyu eyes. it was almost like it all had lasted the whole time. the whole time since he took mingyu's hand in the soapy hallway. 

wonwoo got out of his thoughts as he saw his book was covered of small wet spots of tears. he tried to dry them away with one of his sweater sleeves, but they wouldn't go away.

he couldn't be crying right now. he had been seriously crying everyday for a month now. he was supposed to get over this. he could get over this, he had been without him for two years, so why couldn't he do it now? obviously "been without him" didn't seem right as mingyu had always been there, just not close as lovers.

he shook his head. he needed to get over this. he needed to get over this. he needed to get over this. he repeated the words in his head. 

he regretted breaking up with mingyu, the minute the words had left his mouth he had regretted it instantly. but it could never be him and him. his family wouldn't approve. he just couldn't do it. but how much he wanted. he wanted it so much. it probably was the reason for his crying. 

he took up his phone, looking at it. finding the message app, he looked up a message that was sent a month ago. it was a message from mingyu. it had been sent the night after they had broke up.

right now i'm sitting outside the library, wishing you were here. gosh, i'm drunk.

i remember you brought me here, you looked so funny that night, and then i kissed you. our first kiss didn't turned out how i wanted it to be. but i don't regret it, because that was when we finally found each other. i found you, and you found me. 

oh my god, i almost cringed of that sentence. i am not good words, like you're the literature student, i haven't even started uni.

i had the greatest time of my life being with you. even tho it was full of obstacles and misunderstandings, it was worth it in the end, because i got to spend it with you. 

please don't leave me. not completely. let's go back to normal. you just be the boy that go the library to study, and i will be the library boy who works there and steal glances at you.

i love you so so much, wonwoo. no matter where we end up, i will always love you. that just how it will be. 

a sob bursted out of wonwoo's mouth. he bited into his arm to mute it. no one had to hear him. but it wouldn't stop. tears was still falling from his eyes, and muted sobs would not stop coming into his arm. he climbed down from the chair and onto the floor. he sat himself lent with his back to his bed, and then pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them until he had calmed down. 

***

:C