Dreamer

Chapter Twenty-Six: Blue Monday

How does it feel

To treat me like you do

When you've laid your hands upon me

And told me who you are

As Friday evening approached, my determination grew.

I couldn’t lead that kind of life anymore. And I wouldn’t. Continuing to exploit myself—it just wasn’t an option any longer.

I know that in the past I had thought myself to be an insignificant and useless being, loved by nobody and with nobody to love.

But things were going to change, because those thoughts weren’t true. I had experienced it. I had experienced the ecstasy that was love. My friends… Nathaniel… Castiel… they’d all shown me these indescribable feelings. Feelings that I wouldn’t easily lose.

My past had always haunted me, constantly weighing me down with the reminders of pain I had experienced countless times. But it didn’t need to be that way. Rather than letting all those memories hurt me, I would instead let them empower me and make me a stronger person.

Pain is self-chosen.* A situation can only hurt you if you allow it to.

Having kept that in mind, I gained the courage to confront Vince and see what he had to say.

With a small package tucked away in my sweater, I took a shaky breath as I found myself outside the door to Vince’s office. Slowly, I brought my hand up to knock on the door.

“Who is it?” His voice was muffled by the door that stood between us.

“It’s me—Desirée.” I replied firmly. “May I come in?”

“Yes, yes, it’s open, bella.”

I hesitated momentarily before grasping the cool metal of the doorknob and letting myself in. The door shut quietly behind me. Vince beckoned me to take a seat in front of him as he capped a half empty bottle before placing it inside his desk. I quickly made my way over to him and sat down.

I glanced around and made a mental image of the room. This is where the money had to be, and I knew it.

Vince peered at me both baffled and amused. “And to what do I owe this pleasure?” He pulled a carton of cigarettes out from his desk, taking one out and offering me one.

I gazed at the stick longingly before refusing. I’d all but kicked the habit, and it wasn’t something I needed to be doing right at that moment.

‘Here’s hoping this goes better than the last time.’

“Vince… I need to talk to you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Then talk, bella. What are you waiting for?”

My heart beat rapidly in my chest and my face felt as though it were on fire. I took a deep breath. “I don’t… I don’t want to work—or stay—here anymore.” There. I’d said it. The worst of it was over now, wasn’t it?

I waited quietly for a reply from Vince. He was unfazed and simply looked as though I hadn’t said anything. Several painful moments passed by.

“… I see.” He finally broke the silence. It was only momentary, as right after he said those words, we fell into another silence.

Was that it? ‘I see’? Was that all he had to say? Could I leave without him stopping me?

I fiddled with my fingers for a few moments, contemplating my next move. “So… I’m going to leave soon.”