Dreamer

Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Gift

I'm so afraid of the gift you give me

I don't belong here and I'm not well

I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living

Right on the wrong side of it all

“Truth hurts, doesn’t it?”

Confusion filled the eyes of my seven year old self. “What do you mean?” Truth was only a word, and Sister Caroline always told us that words could never hurt. So why was this girl saying that? It made no sense.

I missed Sister Caroline. She was the only person who was ever kind to me. She always comforted me when the other kids were mean to me.

~~~

It upset me greatly when I was moved to some other children’s home because I had “aged out” of the previous one for the very young children. I was seven at the time.

I didn’t want to leave the one person who would ever care about me.

When I told her this, she laughed that delightful laugh of hers. “I don’t want you to leave either, my child. But I am needed by the little ones, aren’t I? You’re a big girl now… I’m so proud of the intelligent, mature, and beautiful person you have become.” She hugged me tight. “So big—why I remember when you were just tiny baby and I would cradle you in my arms all day—who wouldn’t have? You were the cutest, most precious baby I’d ever seen.”

I hugged her back. “I wish you could be my mommy…”

Sister Caroline pulled away and smiled at me sadly. “Wouldn’t that be lovely? But my sweet angel, how could I leave the other children who need me? That wouldn’t be fair, now would it?”

“I guess so…”

“This may be where we say goodbye, but I will never forget about you, and I will always keep you in my thoughts and prayers. That is what I promise you—but now you must promise me something.”

I nodded quickly—she meant the world to me, and I would do anything to make her happy. “What is it?”

There were tears in her eyes, but her smile was as radiant as ever. “My dear… know that I will always love you… and never ever think for even a moment that there aren’t others who will love you as much as I do. Do not let what hateful people say discourage you. The road ahead of you will be difficult… allow yourself to love and be loved, and the right path will be lit. Do you understand?”

I nodded in response.

She ruffled my hair softly. “Good, you’re a smart girl.”

“I’ll miss you.” I said simply.

“Oh!” Sister Caroline hastily wiped away the tears that spilled from her eyes and pulled me into a tight embrace once more. “I’ll miss you as well, Desirée. But I’ll always be with you, and you’ll always be with me.”

“How?”

She let go of me and placed her hand over her heart. “In here.”

~~~

“What? Look at you! What—are you ten? Do you really think someone will adopt you?” The girl looked at me with brown eyes as hard as rock. She appeared to be about fifteen, with black hair and looks that could kill. She was one of those types.

It didn’t matter who you thought you were, the kids stuck in this system always ended up being screwed in some way or the other.

Her name was Blair. She was a cynic, hardened by whatever cruelties she had faced in the past. She would leave this place filled with a hate for the world that would forever dictate the choices she made in her life. I wondered if people like her were any better off than the people who ended it all the day they became too old and were kicked out, losing all government support, and really, their only way of life.