Long Lost Drummer Girl (A Black Veil Brides Fanfic)

Chapter 25

Chapter 26: Amber’s POV

                I was laying on my bed, looking at the suicide note from my mom. I just looked at the folded up letter. I hadn’t read it yet. It was mocking me like a little child at a playground. I felt my hands unfold the letter and I had my eyes glued on her handwriting.

Dear Amber and Christian,

                This is a goodbye my lovely children. I know you didn’t know me very well, this mostly goes to Amber unlike you my dearest Christian. Amber my darling, you may or may not remember me but I loved you for the time I knew you and it kills me not knowing you longer. I used to cry at night and hope I would see your darling face once more. I felt like a failure to everyone and I was sick of guilt being splashed onto me. I needed to go. I had to go. I was in pain. Amber, I wanted to see you again but I didn’t think you would want to see me. And Christian, I hope you found my little girl. I really hope you do. I hope you found each other at my funeral or at the hospital. If you met before that- great! I’m watching over you two and I want to see you two in heaven when you grow old :)

Love You- Mom.

                I had tears streaming down my face. Mom wanted to see me again. “Mommy? Why didn’t you look harder?” I cried. “I wanted to see you again! I wanted to hold you again!” I sobbed as I fell to the bed and held my pillow to my face as I cried. I left black makeup marks all over the pink pillow case.

                I swear I couldn’t do this. I needed mom. Feel tears just raging down my eyes like a slippin’ slide. I wiped my eyes and I went over to my small mirror on my dresser and I threw it against my wall. I slid down to the floor and I cried into my knees. I couldn’t do this. I just couldn’t because everything I thought was wrong.

                I needed to escape. I needed to escape so badly but I couldn’t. I could possible kill an unborn life in me and then what will I be? Something else on my mind. Not only did I lose my mother I also killed a tiny baby. I needed to do something. Stab a pillow maybe. I grabbed a pair of scissors and a sharpie off my computer desk and went over to my throw pillow. I wrote over the blanket pillow case.

                I made too many mistakes… Don’t hate me though, people do there wrongs time to time…

                I closed the sharpie and I grabbed my scissors and I started to stab the pillow repeatedly. Soon, pillow fluff was scrawled around my floor and I stood up, looked around. I picked up a piece of the pillow case and I looked at my writing. I grabbed my scissors once more and cut it straight in half.

                I threw my scissors across my floor as I fell to my knees. I still had tears and mascara running down my face, my face was bright red and puffy and I looked like someone who gave up. Someone who was a failure. I looked at the fluff. This mess was me. I created it and it’s me. I created a self-portrait. I thought. I was staring at it when there was a knock on my door and someone walked in. I heard there feet stop but I couldn’t turn around. “Amber?” I heard CC ask with pure worry behind me.

                I turned my head and I just pointed to the note I left on my bed. He walked over, leaving me in my spot in the middle of the floor. Grabbing the letter, he sat next to me and let me lay on his lap for comfort. He was silent, rubbing the side of arm as he read the suicide letter quietly. “What made you do this?” He asked. I shot up.

                “She said that she wished to know me longer, she was tired of the guilt of not knowing of me. One, that’s the main reason she’s dead, also, I thought she didn’t want to know me. I got her all wrong and I feel like a failure!” I yelled at myself, standing up.

                I stared at my now cut up hands from the destruction I had made. I turned to CC and he looked at me in worry. “I can’t do this CC. I can’t do it and I feel like I might collapse!” I cry. “I am a murder.” I mumbled.

                “What?” He looked up.

                “I’M A MURDER CHRISTIAN! I’M A MURDER!” I screamed. “I DID THIS!” I cried falling to the ground. He ran over and pulled me in a hug, rocking me back in forth as I cried into his shoulder uncontrollably.

                “You didn’t do this Amber, you didn’t do this.” He promised me.

CC’s POV:

                “You didn’t do this Amber, you didn’t do this.” I promised her as I let her cry into my shoulder. She didn’t deserve this. She was harming herself and the baby and she was destroying herself. She’s under so much stress I bet the baby is suffering. Soon the crying stopped and she was asleep in my arms, her tired, stained, eyes.

                I set her in her bed and I put her blanket over her as I cleaned up a bit. I as I cleaned up the pillow mess I was still in shock. Amber was this fun happy girl, she was just getting destroyed. Everything fell like that. It wasn’t fair, she was such a good person and a good person has been ripped into shreds.

***** TIME SKIP NEXT MORNING *****

Amber’s POV

                I was downstairs, feeling a bit better. I had my ultrasound today and I was excited although I felt like I might have put my baby under a lot of stress recently. I felt horrible about it but it’s not something I can really control.

                I was in the care with Andy and he looked excited. “Are you excited?” He asked me with a smile. I nodded quickly and looked down. “Babe, what’s wrong?” He asked me and I looked up and I sighed.

                “I’ve put this child under so much stress I feel horrible about it.” I groaned.

                “Just keep it on the down low, I know it’s hard but try your best.” He told me and I nodded. Soon the car was parked and we walked out of the car and into the hospital. While in the waiting room, we talked and talked about baby names.

                “If it’s a girl I want her name to be Journey.” I told him and he smiled.

                “That sounds like such a lovely name.” He said. “How about Journey Bay Biersack?” He offered as a suggestion I gasped.

                “You’re a really good name picker.” I laugh.

                “It’s something I practice in my spare time.” He joked. Soon a doctor walked out with a clipboard and scanning the waiting room.

                “Amber?”