thirty-five

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Jin yawned, and smiled at the sight in front of him. His arm was curved around Jimin's waist,  he signed in content, Jimin smelled so nice.

Burying his face deeper into his neck he placed a light kiss on to it as Jimin childishly giggled. A little squeak coming out from him, Jin chuckled."Go to sleep love" Jin whispered voice raspy.

Jimin just nodded, snuggling closer to him. Jin sighed, it was getting late he should be asleep tangled into Jimin's arms. He would usually be fast asleep by now, it was always one in the morning.

But he kept thinking of Namjoon and worrying and he just couldn't fall asleep. As for Jimin, he looked sad. His thoughts were far away, eyes hazy as he stared up the ceiling. He was keeping Jin company at least.

He just looked so sad though.

Jin reached for his hands, and humming contently Jimin snuggled closer to Jin and finally closed his eyes. He wished he was happier. At least he had Jin.

Pressing a kiss to Jimin's forehead, Jin traced his fingers around the curve of Jimin's jaw and sighed.

What would happen to Jimin if he started, if he possibly started dating Namjoon? He couldn't do it, he couldn't for Jimin's sake. Jimin would crumble.

He couldn't be with Namjoon at least not just yet, he didn't want for the kid to feel as if he had abandoned him. He loved Jimin he did.

That's why he was still here, why he was doing this but he loved Namjoon as well. He loved Namjoon so much, but maybe Namjoon had to way. Right now as he stared at the sleeping figure of the beautiful boy in front of him, he wished nothing but happiness for Jimin.

He didn't want to break him.

He knew Jimin would understand he had even gone as far as to call himself the president of the Namjin fanclub. He knew how much Jin needed Namjoon. How much Namjoon made him happy.

Jimin was aware of how much Jin loved Namjoon, and Jin loved Jimin for understanding him. But he couldn't just leave Jimin.

Not when Jimin had helped him through so much. Not when, Jimin had been there when no one else had. They had a friendship that no one could ever replace. There time together was special.

Jimin would have a big part in his heart always and forever. So Jin decided he would for Jimin's sake, he would wait until Jimin was finally happy and with someone.

He wanted to be there for Jimin, he truly did. But it was so hard sometimes, so hard too not just succumb to Namjoon

And then his phone went ping and he was reminded how he wanted to be there for Namjoon, how as selfish as it was it was even more than Jimin.

Grabbing it he smiled upon seeing Namjoon's smiling profile picture.

Joonie: I can't sleep :(

WorldwideHandsome: I can't either.

Joonie: What's wrong?

WorldwideHandsome: Just thinking.

Joonie: Don't overthink Jin, you have a habit of doing that.

WorldwideHandsome: Why can't you sleep?

(Joonie is typing...)

Jin pulled his arms away from under Jimin, being verycareful not wake the younger who was peacefully sleeping. He needed some water, grabbing his phone he checked it. He sighed, Namjoon was still typing.

Putting on his soft slippers, he headed to the kitchen and watched his phone screen waiting and waiting for Namjoon's text. What was taking so long?

Joonie: This would be probably better to tell you in person but I only have a way with words when I write them. Jin, when you left that day I didn't know what to feel. You don't understand how long I waited and waited for you to come back. I sent you like a million text messages. You left them all on read. That hurt. I wanted to give you space. I didn't want to be clingy but all I wanted was you. But you were just gone, so I headed to Bighit productions and they gave me a letter. A letter saying that BTS had a break for about a year at the most.

Joonie: Do you realize how much it hurt me when I realized that you wanted this? Did you really hate me so much that you couldn't bear to be near me? Do you know how much you had hurt me? After that I could barely take it anymore I started drinking I would drink everyday. I'm not sure if you saw the newspapers but I sure did make headlines in Korea. Somewhere alone the line those drinks just weren't enough.

WorldwideHandsome: I'm sorry.

Joonie: I know you didn't have ill intentions Jin, but I started taking the pills they helped me, it made me feel better. Less empty. And then Ji-hye, do you remember her the girl I thought I loved? She came back into my life and she helped me a bit but not enough to the point that I stopped taking the pills. Then one day she proposed to me, I accepted, I thought I loved her and truly I wanted someone to be able to fill this whole in my chest.

WorldwideHandsome: I'm sorry

Joonie: Don't apolgize, I was a fool. I deserved it, but Jin I've realized it's only you who can make me feel whole. It's you Jin. I love you. And I'll tell you in person as well I swear. But Jin I don't know what we are, you're with Jimin and I did break up with Ji-hye. She's no longer a part of my life anymore. You're just distant these days, I know we haven't talked in like 8 or 9 months but I thought we'd be fine. I'm a idiot and i want you to be with me but I suspect you don't love me anymore. And I have no idea how I can ever deal with you not loving me Jin.

WorldwideHandsome: Do you want to go for a walk, we can talk and it might help you sleep later on?

Joonie: Okay.

WorldwideHandsome: I'm in the kitchen.

Joonie: I'll be there.

~~~~~

I just want to say: get a man (or woman) that looks at you how Namjoon looks at Jin. 

 

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