STAR BLOSSOM | JUNGKOOK [HIATUS]

「048」

0 4 8

SO 4 MORE

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I return back to the school dorms after taking out the two photos that sparked my interest from their respective photo albums; the one of Yoonbyul and I when we were little and the one of my father and her father in police uniforms. I look back at my house and looked at the window of my father's study. I puff my chest with anger, I'm going to figure out what you plan on doing to Yoonbyul, father.

All my life I've been living in a lie and since my life has become a hostage, I've chosen an ambition. I'm determined to figure out the truth behind everything. I don't wanna fuckin' lie, I don't want to do anything else other than this, I must uncover those secrets.

Y O O N B Y U L

Time has flown by so fast ever since I started studying at this school, a year has passed and another year will come. Its been a year, but I can't adapt to this life no matter how many times I look back. Every night, I touch my lips and ask myself, 'are you the real Seo Yoonbyul that everyone knew? Who knows? You know? You don't. I know I don't know who the real me is. 

I think back to my quick conversation with Haneul back at the office. He was going to tell me something before he got interrupted by Jungkook and Jiho. Not that I really care what Haneul says since he's been a complete ass to me, but lately he's been showing a more vulnerable side of him. I've always thought that he acted that way to look cool to others, the more intimidating you are, the more power you have at this school after all. He's probably being nice to me because he finally remembered that we were once friends when we were little. I wonder why I don't remember him at all...

I let out a sigh, I need to go grab the info sheet for the event I'm volunteering for from the office. Still I wonder... why I was chosen? And why does the name Go Yongsun sound so familiar? I brush the thought aside and headed to the office to grab the info sheet before returning back to my dorm. 

"Make sure you make it to the camping orientation on time, we'll make sure to call you in as well Yoonbyul," said one of the office staff who was also involved with the planning for the annual camping trip.

"Alright, I will!" I reply as I headed back to my dorm.

I unlock the door with my keycard and placed the info sheet on my desk. Bzzt! Bzzt! Hm? Who's calling me? I take my phone out of my pocket and looked at the caller ID. A smile forms on my face as I pick up.

"Halmeoni! It's been so long since you called me!" I exclaim as I quickly headed upstairs to lay down on my bed, "How have you been? Do you miss me?"

"Of course I miss you honey, an old lady like me can get lonely too you know?" giggled halmeoni, "And just in case you're worried about me, my health is perfectly fine."

"You read my mind halmeoni," I return a laugh, "I'll make sure to return home to see you after the big camping trip that's happening soon."

"No need to rush Yoonbyul-ah, I'll be happy whenever you plan to come see me, so go have fun and stay safe during the trip alright?"

"Of course, I'll do just that," I reply with a smile.

"Ah right! Yoonbyul, how's the bucket list going? Have you done what you've wanted to complete on the list?"

I sit up on my bed, "Oh gosh, I've completely forgotten about it, I should go see what else I need to cross off the list. Thank you for reminding me halmeoni!"

"No problem hun, remember to make some lovely memories at school alright? I know you'll be able to chase your dream~ Live life happily okay? Hope to see you soon," said halmeoni.

"I will, hope to see you soon too."

I hang up the phone and throw myself back down on my bed and stared out the window. It's already dark out, my my does time fly by quickly. Even if everyday is night, I could never sleep, I'm always thrown off, I can never sleep at night. Instead I would stare at the one star that always appears outside of my window, I know my sister Hanbyul is watching over me, but why is it that I feel like I'm living my life wrong? Please tell me what this empty feeling is Hanbyul, or at least just give me a signal.

After laying down for some time I decided to go take a shower before Jungkook was to arrive back at the dorm. I walk up to the area around my bed after drying off and changing into a fresh set of clothes. I dig around the shelves and found the bucket list. It has already collected some dust, how long exactly have I forgotten about this? I flip through the list, still can't believe my family had so much we wanted to do together. I grab a nearby pen and began to cross off some of the things I managed to have done at this school. Surprisingly half of the activities on this list I managed to complete with Jungkook. I guess I've made a lot of good memories thanks to him.

The next few pages of the bucket list was about dreams and goals. Hanbyul wrote her dream was to become a barista, which I've already completed for her. Now I wonder, what is my dream? In my mind, the word 'success' are two things; the things that I am suppose to do and the things I want to do. Am I living my dreams or am I losing it? I'm not sure if my wanted success was postponed. I touch the next page after Hanbyul's, it's blank, I was suppose to write down my dream together with my parents and Hanbyul on my birthday, but the accident took them away before I could even write anything down. I have nothing but an empty dream left. I put up a smile like a fool, truth behind it is only half of it. I'm crying, this is a defence on my identity and my dream. 

The accident only brings me bad memories. After that and then my heart surgery there was no calm air to breathe, the whole year was a bumpy road. I didn't know where to go, I didn't know what to do. However, once I met Jungkook I became happier. Thanks to him I've gotten a lot of things I never thought I would get done, done. I'm nervous everyday, I feel good but still bitter, and I know that whatever storm comes, Bangtan is there to console me.

A smile forms on my lips from the thought and I continue to flips through the list. Out of nowhere a slip of paper fell out of the bucket list. Hm? I've never seen that before... I do another thorough flip through all the pages to make sure I didn't miss anything else. To my surprise, there, near the back of the book was a little page pocket. That must've been where the paper fell out of. How have I never noticed this before? I pick up the paper that has now fallen next to my bedside.

"What the, it's a photo..." 

I take a close look at it and recognized my father's face. He's standing next to someone who's wearing the same police uniform as him. When was my father a policeman? This man next to him, I recognize his face, it's the same man in the other photo Haneul showed me... It's Haneul's father. At that my moment my heart started hurting as if Hanbyul was sending me a signal.