Tyler Joseph x Reader

Wide Awake

Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 1146

Author's Note: This is based on the song Wide Awake by Katy Perry!

The divorce had hit you like a brick. You hadn't seen it coming until the very moment that Tyler slammed the papers down in front of you and insisted that you fill them out. Your breath had been knocked straight from you. If Tyler had been faking his feelings toward you, he had done a hell of a job of it.

You had pleaded with him to change his mind for days. He started sleeping on the couch, leaving you alone with your thoughts in the dark of the bedroom you had once shared. Most nights were spent crying yourself to sleep, wondering how you had missed so many signs.

It had been a few months since the divorce was finalized. You and Tyler had sold the house and moved into separate apartments on opposite ends of town. For a brief period you had considered moving home to be closer to your family again, but you didn't want to let Tyler win that easily.

The first few days after news of the divorce broke were the hardest. It seemed that every magazine and news station was talking about it, trying to pick it apart and determine just what had happened. People were tweeting you so often asking for your side of the story that you had to delete the app to give yourself some peace. If you were being honest, you weren't even sure what the true reason for the divorce was. Tyler had never offered an explanation and you would rather not ask.

The worst part of the divorce was the blame that everyone assumed needed to be put on someone. They were unwilling to accept that it had been a mutual decision, even though secretly it hadn't, and were trying to pick the issue apart. Of course, all of the blame was being pinned on you. After all, you were the nobody who had suddenly gained a large following. You were the one who got to start a glamorous life after living in a small town your whole life. You were the one that was living a life that most people only dreamed of. It was like they had forgotten that falling in love was a two way street.

You had missed Tyler at first. It was true that he had been your rock in the midst of your crazy life. He supported you on the days when the hate got to you, made you feel special, and made sure that you always felt loved. Of course, it was hard to believe that any of it was genuine now. People didn't tell you they were going to love you forever and then shove a divorce in your face the next day. At least, you didn't used to think they did.

Someone tapped on your shoulder, pulling you out of the trance that you hadn't even realized you were in. You looked up to see Josh with his eyebrows knit together, looking at you with concern.

"You doing ok?" he asked.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Hi, by the way," you answered, standing up to hug him.

He rubbed your back as he hugged you, calming your nerves. Thinking about the divorce always stressed you out despite the fact that it had happened months ago.

"Want to walk?" Josh said, gesturing to the path behind him that winded through the park.

"Yeah."

Even though your and Tyler's relationship was rocky--that was putting it nicely--you and Josh still stayed in touch. You usually met up for lunch at least once a week, sometimes more if the two of you could find the time. Josh claimed that he didn't want you to feel alone in the city, but you were pretty sure that was just the excuse he used with Tyler to hide the fact that the two of you actually enjoyed each other's company.

"So how have things been with you?" Josh asked, digging his hands deep into his pockets.

"Usual, I guess. My apartment is finally beginning to feel like home and it feels like I'm actually getting back on my feet."

"I'm so glad to hear that."

"Yeah. I still think about the divorce a lot, but it's slowly getting less painful. I'm slowly beginning to realize that maybe he didn't love me as much as I once thought he did."

"What makes you say that?"

"It was just little things that he did. He would regularly make excuses as to why he couldn't talk when he was away on tour. I was always the one who put in all the effort on anniversaries. And when he was home, we hardly spent any time together. It was like he did the bare minimum to make me believe that he loved me, and I was so blinded by my love for him and the fact that someone as successful and talented as him was in love with me that I didn't even notice. Looking back, I realize that I deserve better than that."

"I never realized that Tyler was that bad. Sure, he occasionally mentioned that you wanted to talk when he was tired, but other than that it seemed like he loved you. He really put on a show for everyone."

"Exactly! I just don't understand what he got out of a relationship with me."

"It's very possible that he was in love with you at first, but rather than ending things when he started to lose that feeling he just kept pretending."

"I suppose that's possible, it just doesn't seem that likely."

"It's hard to know."

"Yeah," you sighed.

"If you had the chance to do it all over again, would you?"

"That's hard to say. I definitely learned a lot while I was with him, there's no disputing that. I had fun, got to experience things that I never imagined I would be able to, and I made some good friends out of it," you said, nudging Josh's shoulder with your own. "But I just feel so cheated that if I knew how it was going to end up and how much of my time would end up being wasted, I don't know that I would."

"That makes sense. Sometimes I wish I could have warned you of what was happening, but then again I was just as surprised by the divorce as you were."

"Live and learn, I guess."

"That's all you can do."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"How is Tyler doing?"

"Do you want me to be honest or tell you what you probably want to hear?"

"Honest."

Josh took a deep breath, "He's doing great. A lot happier than when the two of you were together, that's for sure."

Even though it was the answer that you had expected, it still sent a pang of sadness through you.

"That's ok," you said, forcing a smile. "Because I'm ok."