The Summer Affair

Chapter Twenty Six

A/N: I've done it again!  I know it's a short chapter, but I promise there is a reason.

“What’s up?” I asked casually as I went and sat on the bed next to Jordan.

“I just wanted to talk to you.”

“About?”

“Just you.”

“What about me?”  This seemed to be going in an odd direction. 

“Well, I just needed to make sure you were alright.”

“Anything else?”  I could tell by the way he was squirming there was more.

“Well, yeah, actually.  I just wanted to say that what I said downstairs about me screwing up…I meant it.  All of it.  I really do think about it every day and I wish I could go back and fix it.  I wish I could fix everything; you and me, Olivia, everything.  But I can’t, and I wish I could.”  I stared at him, in shock.  I hadn’t known that he was actually going to say that.

“Jordan, I know I’m probably going to regret saying this,” I mumbled the last part.  “But I still love you.  I never really got over you.  I just hid all my emotions and when you came back, they all resurfaced.  So, I can’t say that I wouldn’t want you to go back and fix everything.  But I’m with Mitch now, and he makes me feel whole again.  I haven’t felt this complete since before Olivia died.  And that’s why I can’t be with you.”  I looked up at him and saw the deep frown on his face.  Without thinking, I reached up and smoothed out the wrinkles between his eyebrows.  He partially smiled at me, but it was a sad smile that didn’t reach his eyes.  I started to pull my hand back, but he grabbed it and held it against his face.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“When it’s just you and me together, I can close my eyes and imagine it’s the same way.  I imagine that we’re still together and we live in our own perfect little world.”  I grabbed his other hand and held it tightly.  I knew he was suffering.  “And in that perfect little world we grow up.  We graduate and then we go to college, and we do whatever we want for a while.  And eventually we get married and have-”

“Two kids, first a boy and then a girl.  We buy a house in the suburbs or save up to buy a farm.  We eventually become that elderly couple in rocking chairs sitting on the front porch drinking-”

“Sweet tea.  We’d drink sweet tea all the time.  I can’t believe you remember.” 

“How could I not?  We only stayed up until seven in the morning mapping out our entire future.”  I gave a small laugh and he joined in, opening his eyes and gazing into mine. 

“Anna, I know it’s wrong to feel this way about someone who’s taken, to someone who used to be my best friend, but I can’t help it.  You’re too lovable for your own good.”  I blushed. 

“Jordan, it’s not wrong if I feel the same way.”  I was shocked at my own admission, as well as appalled.  How could I say this when I was with Mitch?  My head was screaming at me to jump up and leave, but my body stayed; it had thoughts of its own.  Jordan was so familiar, so comforting, and I knew I still loved him.  What in the world was wrong with me?  As if on cue, Alec yelled for dinner.

“If you don’t hurry the food will be gone by the time you get down here!”  That set me into motion, I was starving.  I jumped up and sprinted out of the room, hopped onto the banister, and slid all the way down.  I rushed into the kitchen and started shoving down food, burning my tongue in the process.  I got a few looks from Alec, but he didn’t say a word.