the roommate → brad simpson | ✓

forty four - "im not expecting you to forgive me"

I ended up getting some chips as I walk around campus for a bit with my earphones in. I tried to avoid any songs that reminded me of Brad and thankfully, so far, I'd been successful.

Britt had ended up texting saying that her exam went really well and that she was meeting some friends and going to town for a bit. She had invited me but I had declined the offer since I wasn't in the mood for socialising.

Everything that Connor and Britt had said about the situation had me overthinking that I just wanted to keep to myself for a bit.

Brad didn't mean what he said, but he still said it. It still hurt my feelings and I'm entitled to be angry at him and drown in self-pity. If he was truly happy being with me, he wouldn't care what Tristan had to say.

However, I understood now why he said it. He said it so that Tristan wouldn't take the piss out of him and he said it because he felt intimidated by the blonde boy. It doesn't excuse what he said, though. I come to the realisation that, sooner or later, I was going to have to talk to Brad.

I throw my empty carton into the bin as I pass one and let out a quiet sigh before turning on my heel. I'm stopped in my tracks as I notice Thomas walking towards me and I wrap my jacket around me tighter to comfort myself.

"Hey," Thomas says as he reaches me. "I, uh, wanted to talk to you, if that's okay?"

I pause, there was no menace in his voice, no venom or insult on the tip of his tongue, "sure. Whatever."

"Okay," he lets out a quick breath. "I just wanted to apologise to you for being so rude. I shouldn't have treated you like that, whether I was angry or annoyed at you or not. And I shouldn't have used you for sex, either. I'm sorry and I'm not expecting you to forgive me, but I am sorry."

I look him over. He seemed genuine, the way he looked and his eyes moved and his tone.

"Okay. It's fine," I give him a tight smile. "I appreciate you apologising."

I wanted to forgive Brad this easily but it was different. I had no emotional attachment to Thomas, no proper history with him. What Brad did felt ten times worse because I was in love with him and he hurt my feelings.

I spot Brad walking over to us from behind Thomas' shoulder and wore a black hoodie covering his messy curls that still poked through and some Adidas joggers on as well as sporting some sunglasses. I swallow the lump in my throat as he gets closer to us.

He grabs Thomas' shoulder and turns him around. I couldn't see Brad eyes but I knew he was angry, annoyed.

"You better not be causing any fucking trouble—"

"I'm not," Thomas pushes Brad away and it seemed too easy for him. "Back off, man, I was apologising."

Brad steps back, not sure what to say and Thomas turns to me with an apologetic smile.

"I'll see you around, then."

My voice was small as I glance to the floor, "yeah, I guess you will."

Thomas leaves promptly and it leaves Brad and I stood not even a meter away from each other. I dare to look up at Brad and he was already looking directly at me.

You need to talk to him sooner or later, I remind myself.

"Margo," he says, his voice cracking. His hands are stuffed in his hoodie's pocket. "Can I talk to you?"

I'd rather do it later.

"Uh, actually I have to study in my dorm," I shake my head profusely. I was surprising myself that I could even get out my words. "Maybe another time—"

"I wanna talk now," he interrupts, one of his hands reaching out to take mine before I walk away. I jolt my hand back from the way his touch send electricity across my skin.

"I can't right now. I'm sorry," I shake my head, giving him one last look before walking past him quickly, not taking another glance at him.

I felt like my throat was going to implode as I walk away, my eyes tearing up as I realise how pathetic I looked.

I spare Brad a glance before I go into the campus building. He was facing me with his hood down as he ran his hands aggressively through his hair.

It takes all of my strength to turn around and walk inside to my dorm and when I'm inside my dorm, tears spill out of my eyes.

I wanted Brad back so bad but I couldn't face him right now. I was still hurt from what he said about me and I knew it was going to take a while to get over him.

I can't spare him anymore tears, I can't cry over a boy that hurt my feelings because I'm better than that. I went through years of bullying and never cried once, I can make it through a heartbreak.

I wipe my tears away and grab my bag from my bed, pulling out my notebooks and throwing them on the bed to study.

I can't let a boy stop me from doing well in my education.

♡

"I'm back!" Britt's voice rings through the dorm and I look up from my books to see her walking over to my bed with a green tea in her hand. "And I bought you this since you couldn't join us."

I smile gratefully to her as I take the drink, "thank you."

"How was your first exam?" She asks, sitting on the edge of the bed. I turn the cover of my book over and push them to the side.

"It was disastrous. May as well not gone," I admit as I take a sip of my green tea. It was still scolding hot so I put it on my nightstand.

"Mine went okay, actually," she smiles. "Ever since me and Tom broke up, I've been getting better at uni. Maybe it'll happen with you now you and Brad broke up?"

"Even while Brad and I were together I was doing fine in class," I shake my head disapprovingly at her. "It's now that we've broken up that I'm not doing that well. He's always on my mind."

"Because you're not over him," she tells me with raised eyebrows as though she knew everyone's secrets. "You need to get a new man, and you need to forget about him."

I don't want to forget about Brad. I only want Brad.

"As soon as exams are over, I'm taking you to a party," she declares. "We'll get shitfaced and stay up all night and we'll have awful hangovers the next day but who cares! A week on Friday and we'll get absolutely smashed."

"Is that really a good idea? Parties have never ended well for me," I sigh. "And besides, Brad will probably be there and I don't wanna see him at the moment."

"Maybe he will be there," she agrees. "But if he is then you can show him how happy you are without him."

"I'm not happy without him, though."

She lets out a sigh of defeat, "we're going to the party anyway. I don't wanna go without my best friend, even if she is depressed."

"I'm not depressed," I scowl at her as she gets off of my bed and takes off her shoes and jacket. "At least I don't smell."

She pauses, lifting her arm and sniffing herself, "I don't smell! Suck on my dick."

"Okay," I banter back and she lets out a laugh. "I think I'm gonna get an early night. I'll talk you to in the morning?"

"Talk to you tomorrow, babe."

unedited.